I may be dumb,but I'm not stupid

2011-03-01T19:39:00.003+08:00

MY opinion,so don't bother judging me cause I'm not going to care.

Ever since the O Level results came out and also since people began going to new schools/college, a few questions or problems have arise from people I know . "I feel lost',"Where is God?","I can't trust God" and I even read someone saying "I don't see what God can do for me, I got 8A's without even being a good Christian,all on my own"

First to anyone who have the same feelings as the last person, how wrong can you be. I don't care how smart, popular, "awesome", rich you are, Luke 9:25 says "For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul?" I hope you do realize fame,popularity,grades and richness are temporal, when you die and you WILL trust me God is NOT going to look at any of those, bloody hell his not going to look at your O/A level results to see whether you can enter heaven. I believe His going to ask two questions,"Do you know me?" and "Who did you bring with you?" What do I mean? Why should He allow you to go to heaven when you are a Christian but CHOOSE not to know him? And why should He let you enter Heaven when you don't share your faith with others? Anyone who is NOT a missionary is a IMPOSTOR. We are suppose to evangelize the world. Not close with him, don't think going to Church is important? Don't care about the sacraments? Reject God/Jesus in front of others? Matthew 10:33 says "but whoever denies Me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven." Yes Jesus said that Himself. Don't care about the Sacrament of Reconciliation or don't want to forgive anyone? Remember this three verses then, Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death" please take note that "sin" is singular,so 1 sin and you CAN BE condemn to HELL FOREVER, Matthew 18:35 "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart." and my favorite, Revelation 20:15 "If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire." all those 3 verses that I've mention are all link together.

Since the remaining questions can be summarize into trusting God or and direction which is basically link together I'll mix them both here. Life is filled with many difficulties and challenges that cause us to worry. Each day we are confronted with many events that may cause us to become apprehensive.What is worry? The dictionary says that when we worry, we torment ourselves with disturbing thoughts. The solution can be found in the Gospel last Sunday.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin." - Matthew 6:24-34

In times of troubles and even during times of happiness we must always pray without ceasing this is according to 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Why? Prayer is a form of communication between you and God, tell Him how you feel, if your angry with Him tell him that, if your disappointed with him, tell Him that, He knows how we truly feel but respect our privacy until we tell Him ourselves, so why lie in the first place? Just be honest with Him. Yes it IS a struggle to pray everyday daily especially when your current problem or worry is not getting any better, everyone struggles it is human nature.

But you see prayer is a two way communication, you talk to God and He talks to you in return. Now the you talking to God is easy but the latter not so. It is one of the greatest challenges that we encounter, our inability to see and to listen to God. We can be caught up in the distractions of daily life that prevent us from really encountering God. However, without a serious spiritual life, anxiety and fear will overwhelm us.

So how do we listen to God? Contemplative prayer, daily Mass or a prolonged visit before the Blessed Sacrament, daily Rosary and the frequent use of the Sacrament of Confession.It is difficult to be alone in our contemporary society. Even when we are alone, the noise of our own worries and fears drown out the silence of God's voice. We all need moments of solitude. Spending a quiet time before the Eucharist, reading the Scriptures during a peaceful moment at home, daily prayer and of course if you want to fulfill the "Pray without ceasing" part there is the Liturgy of the Hours or also known as the Divine Office.

It is true God helps those who helps themselves and don't worry about results and situations..Do your best and leave the results up to God. Well whoever reads this I HOPE that you, in one way or another found some useful things and those who are going through a tough time, my prayers are with you.

"God, we lift up to you our problems, out anxieties, our anger, jealously and worries up to you O Lord, we do not ask that you lessen it but only give us the strength to handle them,the right way. We ask something in your ability to understand, to forgive and to be patient even though it is hard we pray for faith too. Give us peace of hearts as well as peace of mind. Be there for us O God not only during the sad times but also the good times because anything without You is nothing. All these we ask through your son Jesus Christ who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever.Amen"

2011-02-22T21:44:00.011+08:00

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. - Margaret Mitchell

It's time to face the truth and stop being in denial. It hurts more than it should and more than I thought it would. You know what it's like to actually NEED someone? I need her in my life. If i'm being honest, if I can't be her guy then I don't want to settle for anything less however I don't want her to go either. She said we would be friends,best friend, to how we were before or something along those lines. Far from the truth.

"You" might need me in your life, "You" might even still love me but you don't care about me. No matter how bad my anger issues is, how easily I get jealous, how often I swear, how short I am, the fact that I can't speak Chinese fluently or get exceptional grades..I know at the very least I deserve someone who cares about me... So no we're not the way we once were..I can't get my motivation back, everything is going downhill. I can't keep breaking down or keep losing my temper or keep telling people "I'm not in the mood" just because I remember something about "us" about you or when I see your tweets and how happy you are without me in or the fact that you don't bother to talk,chat or tweet with me first and it seems like you don't cherish those good times we had together not only when we were together but before that when we are actually best friends? Maybe you never did had a good time with me, won't surprise me one bit.I'd be lying if I said you going to another school doesn't scare me cause it does right down to my core. Your gonna meet new people and if you hadn't already, then will replace me with someone way much better. If you think I'd do the same,watch me prove you wrong.

Well the very least you could do is remember my name.At least.

2010-09-03T14:50:00.003+08:00

No One Is Going Fucking Read This Anyway So Might As Well Let Everything Out Here.

"how can I miss you this time when I've been missing you all along?"

Why the fuck do I feel so emotional today? As far as I know guys do not have PMS nor can get pregnant.So why the mood swings? Damn psyched yet nervous for the trip to Pace Bane but at the same time I'm questioning whether I'm in the proper state to lead my group ; Fortitude. Obviously this is a crucial retreat and I must remember this is NOT for me but for the confirmandis.

I know why,but I do not WANT to face the truth. Once I face the truth surely I must do something about it. The thing is I do not want to do anything. Its fucking weird, the insecurity I'm feeling ensures me that I'm very much in love with her. It makes me happy to know I'm hurting soo bad cause I'm loving her..say what? That's how fuck up it is. I miss those things couples do like walk together, hold hands and so on but I love her like,pure. I ain't asking for hugs,kisses or whatever all I want is a sincere walk with each other during dismissal. Its funny how one puny thing can mean soo much to a person.

Am I being too needy?Possibly.Sometimes we don't talk nor message each other for couple of days. Seriously even if we do message or talk I still miss her after that what more if we don't talk or message? Deep down I know and she know she rather be with her friends than me, I will reiterate once again how much worth I am when I can't even keep a conversation,make her happy or laugh.

Am I going to make my feelings known to her, no.I will stick with my golden rule..

"If she's happy nothing else really matters...."

2009-11-24T00:22:00.004+08:00

I'm SAD,EXHAUSTED and somewhat HUNGRY but...I feel inspired and motivated so I suggest you take this opportunity to read about my experiences so far and learn from it. I might not be the smartest but I can guaran-DAMN-tee you I'm more wiser than people think.

1. Things not going your way? Take courage and hold your head up high.

Some people describe life as a roller coaster ride one minute you can be in heaven and next minute you can be in living hell. We all face disappointments in our life there's no two way about it. The question is how do you react when going through tough times. The wise will seek comfort in close friends while the fool will keep it to his/herself and let it grow inside. I'm the latter one I must admit but with time I realize I'm not doing myself any good. I get angry easily,paranoid,insecure and even to the point where I eat and sleep continuously to escape reality but then I realize when I sleep i would either have nightmares or wake up sweating crazily

That's when I seek my friend for advice and comfort. Isn't that what friends are for? To pick you up when your down,to tell you your wrong when your wrong,to back you up even though you did the most stupidest thing in the entire world? We'll I'm lucky to have friends who would do that to me,heck one of them would scream at me like crazy in school just to get into my thick brain.

But I would like to tell you sometimes when we are face with problems and our friends can't help us, it is not that they don't want to but because its beyond their control and they don't know what to do and thats when we need a higher power.Yes,I'm talking about god the best companion and listener you could ever have.The BEST thing is his LITERALLY there 24/7 and he doesn't mind if you scream or shout your frustration and PLUS he will help and guide you if you ask nicely. Take courage and put your trust in god and I'm pretty sure he will take care of you regardless how hurt or fuck up the situation is.

2. Time heals everything.....NO IT DOESN'T!!!! ACTION DOES.

I use this example many times and I will use it again. A patient with cancer goes to a doctor,you think the doctor will say "hey its fine time will heal your cancer". In my opinion time doesn't heal anything but rather the things you do within the period will determine whether your moving forward,backward or staying put. Yes when something bad happens to you its tough picking yourself up but no one and I seriously do mean NO ONE says you had to deal with it on your own. You have the option to call your friends when you need them. I tell you solemnly if your friends don't help you in one way or another they are NOT....NOT your true friends.

3. Forgive and forget - the most shittiest thing I have heard in my life....so far.

Forgiving people is not an option it is ESSENTIAL.Forget? Complete and utter bullshit. We must accept that whatever happened,happened. That is the only way we can truly move on. Everytime I don't want to forgive someone because they hurt me like crazy I always remind myself "God forgave me for things that were inexcusable,why cant I?". Forgiving means letting go of your rights to hurt a person for hurting you in the first place. I'm pretty sure we are call to forgive one another REGARDLESS of whatever the person did to us.Sure it might take awhile but we must.I hate to forgive people especially when they really did hurt me and show no sign of remorse but I rather have a clean conscience when I die. Whether that person feels sorry well I'll leave the judgment to god. Let me remind you that when a person hurt you,you have NO BLOODY RIGHT to hurt the person back. What to do? Be the bigger man/woman and refuse to fight back let bygones be bygones as hard as it seem.God will deal with him/her with justice and in his own way.If face with threats that are life threatening talk to an adult you can trust.

I'm not asking you to 100% agree with me this is what I learn so far.Hopefully this can be of good used to someone if I can touch even 1 person it has been worth it.

Alister Nathaniel Tieng.

2009-08-06T19:28:00.003+08:00

A Twisted End To A Suppose To Be Happily Ever After.

With the advance of technology nowadays I keep praying that a time machine will be soon built. I can't stand waking up each morning knowing that she pack everything up so quickly and left me without saying anything. Am I angry with her? Heck no,there's no point in doing so. She's happy and well good for her that is what I always wanted anyway. Sometimes its just frustrating no one is there when I need them. I'm tired of getting taken advantage of. I'm fine with helping people and I never expect something in return but sometimes a lil' help once in a while would be appreciated.

Nevertheless to me, this is just not the way its suppose to be. I thought after writing a very very truthful letter to her I expected some progress with our friendship but turned out it just made it worse. I find myself looking through photos of her. Why? I don't know. Does it hurt? More than anyone could imagine. I'm trying my best to do whatever it takes to get rid of the pain but not by painkillers are smoking like I did before but sometimes...those two things are like the only things that can keep me going. She moved on while I'm still grieving. While I'm wide awake she has no trouble sleeping. I'm still in love while she left.

Now I'm just trying to make sense of what is left. There isn't a shadow of doubt that its my fault. It always had been and always will be. Saying sorry won't be enough to her back. All the money in world could not buy her forgiveness. A shithead like me don't deserve such person. Despite all that no one and I seriously mean it NO ONE can deny the fact that I love her cause I do. True love causes the deepest pain. She's happy thats all that matters. Whether I die from overdosing with painkillers I don't really care. I leave knowing she's happy.

Sometimes I wonder.... "Eloi Eloi Lema Sabachthani?"

2009-06-08T22:49:00.001+08:00

* NOT MINE *

Sometimes I'm simple minded
Then I can't read your look
All my thoughts are binded
I'm like an opened book
In which you read the story
Of a bleeding soul
I am so sorry
Each time I lose control

I should suppress my rage
In need you beside me
Don't you leave the stage
I need you to guide me
I know you'll be my saviour
If I repeat my fault
You put me on my best behaviour
You hear my call

Please hold out
I regret
All the nasty words I said
I can feel you getting colder
Please don't doubt
That I regret
All the days I left you sad
Can't you see me getting older

I know I hurt your feelings
But you had the strength
To start my healing
You went all length
The days of crying
Have reached the end
'cause now I'm trying
To understand

Please hold out...

Exactly what I want to say to you...if I have the guts..

2009-05-30T13:56:00.003+08:00

Another special Post *NOTHING relating to my previous post as stated.

On the way back from school today, I realize that everytime I can't see her I'll be worrying about her. I could be worry about the silliest things to anything major. On the way back home I saw a car that she used to go home but different license plate obviously I sorta-remember the plate license of the cars she use ANYWAY I don't know how it crept it but I was worried if something went wrong while she was on her way back home. I mean seriously I don't want it to happen but what IF. Gosh I'm telling the truth when I say I was worried.

Then I started being phucking paranoid and stupid. Now I started worrying about her in general. What if she is sick? Sleepy? Angry? Sad? But then it popped in my head that I ain't exactly what she need if she feel sick,sleepy,angry or sad. I am probably the last person on her list after what I've done. As usual I don't think I can come to term with what I've done to her heck I'm even considering going to confessions later on. I just want forgiveness and the guilt to go away.

The truth to the matter is I really do care about her. So I wanna take this time to be perfectly honest, cause ther's alot of shit that I keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul. This guilt on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold and this guilt is like the weight of the world and i think my neck is breaking so should I just give up, or try to live up to these expectations now look, I love her more than life in it self but I got a anger problem thats determined to make my life living hell.

" what i`ve Done
I've faced myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done"

2009-05-28T23:37:00.003+08:00

Special Post - I decided to let my feelings go after contemplating for 3 hours tonight.

I've been defeated and brought down, dropped to my knees when hope ran out, the time has come to change my ways. On this day I see clearly everything has come to life,a bitter place and a broken dream and I'll leave it all, leave it all behind. I'm supposed to be the person who never blows his composure, even though I feel like the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.

Migraine creeps in anytime of the day thats when I'm reminded of my wrong doings. Why? I refuse to take my medication for my migraine leaving me with pain, I guess its my way of repentance towards the things I've done. Migraine means difficulty in sleeping,studying,exercising, well basically anything I do. Do I care about the pain? Nope. Why? Because everyone says I deserve worse for the things I've done recently. Well be my guess and torture me for I couldn't care less heck give me H1N1 I'd probably refuse treatment. Now, Don't get confuse here I ain't doing anything wrong as far as I'm concern. I don't want to go back to my pills addiction so I refuse to take anything that takes my pain away.

Dealing with the guilt until now isn't easy. Heck this is probably the biggest task I have ever have to deal with. My heart feels like a thousand razors is being push over and over again inside my heart. I can't blame anyone else since this is completely my fault and I can't release any sort of anger so yeah I have to deal with my pain silently. Yes, I punch walls regularly but its the only way to deflect the pain from my heart to pain somewhere else. I don't think it'll be long until I break my right hand. I will NOT talk to anyone about anything else. Everything I mention here is the only thing I will let out, so don't bother asking me to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it cause everytime I do someone get hurts or some will say I think of myself only so there you go I won't say anything for the wellbeing of myself and others.

I see things everyday that hurt me that I cannot escape in school,church and so on but I purposely look at photos of things that hurt me at home. Why? I've been labeled the "Living Devil" unofficially so yeah pain makes me feel more human in a way. I know I can't erase the past, trust me if I could I would erase my existence. Painkillers, alcohol, cutting and smoking are all out of my life that I can assure you and plus I have not talk to a single person about my feelings hence I'm dealing with it alone. I don't know how to deal with, I honestly don't. Sighing is basically all I can do to soften the pain temporarily. I haven't cried which means all the pain is still inside gradually growing each day. I haven't actually talk to anyone because I don't want to seek help, why? Simple, I don't deserve anyone's help if I'm going to improve my life then I'm going to do it alone. If I fail, I fail alone.

This pain is "unbearably bearable". Like I said I'm not going to tell everything. Anything that is in my post will be the ONLY thing I will say unless I decide to post again. I don't know the full extend of depression on one's life but I would like to think a breakdown is one of the signs cause I'm very close to experiencing once again it wouldn't be my fault if I had a breakdown. No one get hurts but me alone so fair enough cause I'm pretty sick of getting people hurt so this time NO ONE will get hurt by me, my anger or anything else. Only Me. Plus I'm not doing any physical harm on myself and its out of my control what happens emotionally and mentally, my body and brain decides what happen when I can no longer sustain stress + sleepless nights + pain + fatigue = ???? the result? I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens to me.

2009-05-03T19:39:00.005+08:00

Wake up each morning,she pops into my head.Half way through a test instead of thinking about the answer,I find myself thinking about her.When scoring a goal in football,I thank her for being my inspiration.At night,while reflecting my life so far,I hug my pillow wishing it was her because the truth is I'm not strong at all.You might call me a psycho but I'd rather call myself a person whose deeply in love with someone else.

The sad thing is the more you love a person the more you criticize yourself from the smallest mistakes to the biggest and stupidest mistakes you ever did.The worse part is sometimes you question if that person feels the same way as you do.Now thats the problem.Which is more scary,not to know what that person really feels about you or knowing what that person really feels about you? I mean lets be honest if that person feels the same way you do,thats great but (A) what if that person doesn't feel the same was as you do?Now that hurts bloody much.But then again (B) not knowing also can cause insecurity.You may find yourself confuse,at one point you can say that person feels the same way you do but then on other days you say to yourself that the person doesn't feel the same way you do and you still end up getting hurt.I guess either way you'll get hurt at some extend in situation (A) and (B).

Leaving It In Other Hands.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do,nothing. Whatever happens,happens. I'm not going to open my mouth and start saying crap but instead I'm going to do absolutely nothing. Why you might ask? Cause every time I try, I end up failing miserably or I mess up. Other time I get myself hurt or paranoid to the point I feel like there's no point in fighting. I'll only respond/cooperate when ask to do so.What I'm going to do in the meantime? Easy,take my swiss knife and start stabbing things.
Why?
Its a good way to release all my anger inside, I can hurt myself by accident, I like to destroy things and finally I got nothing better to do.

The second thing on my agenda is to find my lost/miss place painkillers. If I lost it then I have to find an alternative.
Why? I thought your giving up your bad habits?
Well sorry buddy I'm in pain both physically and emotionally.If by any chance you find a cure for both my pain do share. I mean I'm not doing anything against my promise. If I get hurt accidentally cause of my swiss knife well not my fault, I mean after all it is a accident. Painkillers, it would be wrong to not stop the pain when there is a way. I mean hurting oneself intentionally is a sin. So I am stopping the pain.Gosh I'm such a genius.

What?! What happen?! I thought you changed?!

Well, life is such a bitch. One moment you feel like everything will go your way and change for the better when suddenly you do something but turn out it wasn't the result you wanted.So thats what happened! I CANT SLEEP AND THE PAIN IS VERY UNBEARABLE !!!

But look at the bright side, my anger is still not in control.
WAIT HOW CAN THIS BE A GOOD THING ?!
-Easy, I release my anger by telling people how I really feel towards something. If they can't take it well,Good luck.But don't worry none of you people will ever come near the pain I am feeling right now and even if you did your out of it.

Maybe you should turn to god and religion ?!
- I got 2 words to reply to that...FUCK THAT.

2009-04-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

"Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly" Albert Hubbard

I've done a lot of things recently, but nothing that I should be proud off. Pills,alcohol to smoking to eventually doing everything. I guess everything has its consequence sooner or later. I put my pride first.God, that was one of the worse things I have ever done. I basically scripted my own downfall. I hurt the only person who have or should I sad HAD hope on me. Well I don't think I can ever forgive myself,god might but I will never forgive myself.

A lot of things is going through my mind. Top of my list is suicide. Maybe if I'm gone this pain will go away. I can't stand at the fact I hurt the person I love the most. Seeing her cry broke my heart. To make it even worse I am the one who cause it. Everyone might have forgiven me but cannot accept my actions because I'm not like this.

It keeps getting more and more difficult as each second pass by. Its comes to a point when I feel like screaming up to the heavens and asking what is my purpose. I'm doing horribly in my studies, my football ain't doing so great and what do I have left? Guilt. I can't look her in the face , heck I can't even chat with her cause everything involving her hurts bloody much. But hey I deserve all things bad for everything that I have done. There's just things that time will never erase.

She got good friends and all are better suited to protect her. She doesn't need a fuck up drug addict like me. She deserves better.I don't care what happens to me from now on. My heart aches and I can't take it. I promise I wont take any pills to handle the pain. But I want to clear something up because there's a lot of shit that hurts deep down into my soul, I CARE about her I really do and I do REGRET my actions but sometimes you have to let go of someone to show that person how much you love them. I cant do any good for her. I never have. I am being haunted with the guilt and it really hurts..

If death will help solve things,I'm willing to do it. I'll do anything for you.Forget me if you wish but remember my name the very least. I'm very sorry...I hope the pain I'm feeling will grow stronger and stronger,I deserve all the pain that is possible to feel by man..

2009-04-22T19:40:00.003+08:00

Anton Chekhov once said "Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."

I am just the same.I can live with a crisis because I know I can solve at one point, but day to day living has taken its toll on me. if hugs cure everything trust me I wouldn't be in the state I'm in. I'm sick of being everybody's good friend. Its always been that way nothing more. It sucks because everyone seems to take advantage of it, they only come to you when they need something and they know you will always be there because your just their good friend. They know you will be there for whatever they need. Well I'm tired of being everyone's bestfriend,I want to be something more than that. Its pissing the living crap out of me. its good to be good friends with some people but sometimes well you just want to be more to someone.

My bestfriend or are we still bestfriend.Only she can answer that. Everyday I need to find a reason to stay optimistic that she does care but like everything,reasons will start to run out and when I finally can't find a reason to believe that she thinks of me every now and then,or care about me even if it's a bit, then that's the day I stop believing that things can change no matter the odds and that's the day I know she has forsaken me.

38 days since we last spoken or communicate. Now even though we didn't say anything or are arguing, this is definitely not what I call peace.How can it be good knowing that there is an odd silence.It is calm but it is not calm to the heart.Peace is when your heart feels calm and this odd silence is not making my heart feel at ease.

Why is this happening? Maybe its because I'm short.Maybe its because I'm not one of her people.Maybe its because I'm boring.Maybe its because I'm a boy.Maybe its because I'm weird.Maybe because its all of the above and more.Or maybe somethings just does not need a reason to happen.A word can mean alot to a person.Sometimes a word is really all it takes to change a person all around. Sometimes a word can mean the difference between life and death. Sometimes a word can mean a thousand words. Sometimes a word can give hope. Sometimes a word can destroy a person. A single word can do wonders but it can cause chaos if not used properly.

People sometimes leave and they don't come back. They never knew a single word or a smile could change someone's whole view of life.I miss my bestfriend but this time its time for her to fight for me because all this while I've been fighting to keep her with me maybe its time for me to wait and if she doesn't then god bless me for I have no idea what lies ahead.

"I miss you like you never knew..."

2009-03-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

=/

I said I wonder when it'll be my day
'Cause I'm not too far from breaking down
All I've got are screams inside
But somehow they come out in a smile
And I'm wondering if I'll always feel this way, this way

Tell me about those nights you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone
Than being stuck here with me
And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you could never love you like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me, yeah me

One day you're gonna see things my way
You gave me so much room that I can't breathe
When all I've got are pictures to view
It was nothing before and I started with you
For some reason it's supposed to be that way, that way

Tell me about those nights you stayed awake
Tell me about those days you hated me
Tell me how you'd rather die alone
Than being stuck here with me
And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long way home
But baby you could never love you like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me, yeah me

If I could shrink it down and put it in your hands
We made it hurt so much, I can't forget the past
Just tell me what to say, show me what to do
Then I could forgive me and I would forgive you

And maybe you've fallen down
And maybe you just took the long road home
But baby you will never love you like me
And one day this will fade away
In the mirror you'll see a smiling face
And standing next to you will always be me
You know will always be me, and I will wait
Always be me, til I see you smiling...

2009-02-21T16:46:00.002+08:00

The Smile On Her Face Let Me Know She Doesn't Need Me

This will be continued later.Just Some Insights of what this post will contain.

My feelings towards her
Losing faith in keeping our friendship alive
My thoughts on how much she needs me
My feelings on how much I need her
Time to move on?
And a bit on Eddie as promised xD

2009-02-11T19:13:00.003+08:00

But dreams don't come easy you've gotta believe me

I have NOT regain my motivation nor inspiration anymore and fuck up part is I need those things and my teachers are putting me in 2 well lets say semi-major competitions.On one hand it would definitely stamp my authority then I AM capable of winning stuffs but on the other hand where the fuck am I suppose to work hard when I don't see any benefit towards me.And no getting a medal or certificate doesn't mean a shit to me.

"Wonderful" things have happened to me with my motivation and inspiration gone I fail most of my test and barely pass in English seriously.Well thats what happen when I seriously don't give a fuck about my life.I mean why should I? I seriously have nothing to aim for.All I get is shit so why bother working.Either shit or I always get hurt.

Valentine?Well still single and lost all hope on asking her.She's just well too good for me.With me going back to smoking,seriously she deserves better.Me smoking again!?YES,I am so what?Life is pretty much useless.I told you people before that I will do things if no such miracle happen soon.Seriously you can't blame me for smoking again.Its not my fault that no one is helping me in my time of need and I ain't getting much guidance from above,not that I'm complaining but still.

My self confidence is seriously down.With my grades and all It's not helping one bit.With valentine coming its just making it worse.Sighs..will update later on.

2009-02-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

Didn't Come Out The Way It Was Suppose To...

I'm such an idiot seriously.Chatted with her yesterday but I end up making a stupid wrong move.I told her how much I hate valentine and so so.Shit seriously.Yes I haven't have a nice valentine but i really wanted her to be my valentine this year but instead of asking her I blew everything right up.After I blast valentine in our conver there's no way she would accept me.Plus even if I ask her she then knows I still have feelings for her because I said something like "I'll only ask a person if I have true feelings for her".Shit shit fuck seriously...sighs..

She's the only one I want for valentine if not I rather be single on valentines.Well not much to update on,will update as things develop and stuffs.

From me..

Your the only one I want.I really really love you.I'm sorry I could never entertain you,I just go absolutely blank when I'm chatting with you or when I'm with you.Everytime I see you I just get frozen and I start doing something stupid or say something stupid,even my mood turn fuck up.I'm not scared of getting beat up or getting shouted at,I'm scared of you.Whether I hurt you,whether you get angry at me for my stupid doings,yes its true.I love you..sorry once again...

2009-02-06T13:00:00.001+08:00

February 6th will forever be circled on the calendars of everyone connected with Manchester United.

On that day in 1958, the darkest day in United's history, 23 people - including eight players and three members of the club's staff - suffered fatal injuries in the Munich air crash.

Flying back from a European Cup tie against Red Star Belgrade, the team plane stopped in Germany to refuel. The first two attempts to take off from Munich airport were aborted; following a third attempt, the plane crashed.

Twenty-two of the people on board died instantly, while Duncan Edwards - one of the eight victims from the team - died 15 days later as a result of the injuries he sustained.

The tragedy is an indelible part of United's history, as is Sir Matt Busby overcoming his injuries to build another great team which won the European Cup 10 years later.

Roger Byrne (28), Eddie Colman (21), Mark Jones (24), David Pegg (22), Tommy Taylor (26), Geoff Bent (25), Liam Whelan (22) and Duncan Edwards (21) all died, along with club secretary Walter Crickmer, trainer Tom Curry and coach Bert Whalley.

Eight journalists died - Alf Clarke, Tom Jackson, Don Davies, George Fellows, Archie Ledbrook, Eric Thompson, Henry Rose, and Frank Swift who was a former Manchester City player. Plane captain Ken Rayment perished, as did Sir Matt's friend Willie Sanitof. Travel agent Bela Miklos and passenger Tom Cable also died.

We will never forget.

2009-02-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

HI SHELLY

=D

2009-02-03T22:40:00.002+08:00

The one who Loves You The Most.

Here we are in the best years of our lives but I don't know where I'm going.All I've been doing nowadays is sleep.But even after that I still feel tired.Since I can't take it anymore I'm gonna just write all those fuck up things bothering the living shit outta me.

My seatmate Eddie seriously is making me lose faith.he keeps saying that she likes someone else and has a valentine.Damn it seriously.I couldn't concentrate during my maths test and I can 100% guarantee confirm that I will fail that test.I can't even look her in the face,just hurts really badly.Everytime we pass by each other I practically need to hold my nerves and continue walking,cause if I just turn back it'll probably look like I'm avoiding her which I'm not but seriously what can I do,It just hurts really badly. I could've broken down in class when Eddie said that and should have but I have no idea why I didn't.Its like god is giving me this power to stay conscious and feel the pain which I can't bear.

Seriously not in the mood,will update soon...

2009-01-31T00:51:00.003+08:00

Doctor Doctor Tell Me How To Shake It Off.

How to shake off the pessimism?No idea,all I know I'm a pro in finding whats the negative part of something or someone,even myself.Well I'm gonna change this post and talk about mostly good things..(I HOPE).

Anyway your probably wondering "what the fuck are you doing this late when tomorrow is a school day?!?!" Well I just finished doing a 15 maths question homework even though I didn't go to school,see how hardworking I am.Hope most of my answers are correct though.And secondly i watched a 5 hours 14 minutes battle in tennis between Rafael Nadal and Fernando Verdasco.Seriously it was a nail bitting,pure quality match.Even though it went down the fifth set each shot each movement was fantastic,PURE QUALITY.But World No1 Nadal nicked it in the end after five hours and 14 minutes of epic tennis.Nadal overcame Verdasco 6-7 6-4 7-6 6-7 6-4 at the Rod Laver Arena. I got to say Fernando Verdasco deserves alot of credit and if not deserves to be in the final though I have no idea how will it be played if it was a Nadal Vs Federer Vs Verdasco I mean its tennis not wrestling xD.

Anyway so the match finished around 10.30 pm then I had to copy down my homework through msn(THANKS MIZ) and finish around 12 If I'm not mistaken then I studied for the computer test chapter 1-3 and finish at 12.30 (I studied some before the tennis match) and from then onwards I listen to music to cool down me headache.

Anyway I wont be talking about "her" in this post maybe next time.But all I want to say is I love her soo much and just keeps getting stronger and stronger.

From me
I'm really sorry if loving you is pissing you off or and annoying...Your just amazing,pretty,smart,understanding and the only person that brightens up my day without any shadow of doubt...sorry..

Once again,no idea if you will ever read this but just incase I'm really sorry..

Anyway here are somethings you can look at

http://www.stumbleupon.com/
http://lifehacker.com/
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
http://www.coolsiteoftheday.com/mc/index.html

Take care everybody untill then.

2009-01-29T21:00:00.002+08:00

Ill Be Waiting With The Lights On...

I chose not to go to school today because well the weather is probably the best way to describe how I'm feeling [Gloomy?sad?unpredictable?]. Woke up around 2-ish due to heavy thunder and rain and I think I probably playing with faith as I have no idea why i was using the comp with the window open next to me.The thunder resembles how I feel inside,angry at my ownself for some reason.I'm putting all the blame on meself for everything that is shitty in my life at the moment.

Honestly I'm losing faith and hope that things will get better.How can I expect everything to go right when I don't have the will power to change it.And how am I going to get the will power to make my life better without having any motivation or any inspiration?Its like running without legs,its like shouting without a mouth and its like finding a way out with no windows or doors with nothing at all.I swear I'm even struggling right now to find the words that fully describe how I'm feeling right now.

To hell with it,I'm blank like shit so I'm gonna talk about the main problem.I just want to spend time with her.I don't know why but I want to.Can't stop thinking about her as usual its very fuck up.But I'm a shitass boring person.I don't even know how to chat with her properly.Fuck really.Everytime she leaves the conver for whatever reason just hurts cause I couldn't entertain her.Not a single god damn fucking shit topic come to my head.Its no wonder why she doesn't like me or anything.God,I love her soo much but...I have more chance of flying without wings then ever being with her.Heck I'm shit she deserves someone better...

"I'll never amount to the type of person you deserve to worship you..."- Alister. T

From me..

I'm not rich or anything,I'm not tall nor strong,but I hope its alright if I continue to love you..I know I'm nothing special.I'm really sorry..

2009-01-28T22:41:00.006+08:00

Just Keeps Getting Harder.

I'm just going to do this long post cause I need some sleep and I don't think I can do 3 more post.Anyway since my previous post,I've been trying to get my FIFA 09 to work and managed too after 7 tries? Things aren't going my way lately.I'm frighten to go to school tomorrow,if that incident during physics this morning affected me who knows what else could effect me.

I don't know what to do next.God give me a sign,tell me what you want me to do.I'm completely blank.I need some guidance here.Walking alone during dismissal ain't what I call "fun",its pretty lonely you know.Lacking sleep,even though how tired I am I always have difficulty in sleeping and I usually wake up at 3++ in the morning for some fuck up reason.Been day dreaming or night dreaming or just dreaming most of the time.My dream is my only chance to get what I want or how I want things to be.I don't know how to make them real but I swear I'd do anything to get what I want.Actually its not what I want it becomes what I SERIOUSLY NEED.

Well here are some things I wish I could say or feel or whatever.

"Another day without you with me,Is like a blade that cuts right through me,But I can wait,I can wait forever"

"I know it feels like forever,I guess that's just the price I gotta pay.But when I come back home to feel your touch,Makes it better,Till that day,Theres nothing else that I can do,And I just cant take it,I just cant take it"

"I don't know how you do what you do.I'm so in love with you.It just keeps getting better.I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side,forever and ever."

I really mean this and I seriously wish I could say it.This is not my sentences I do NOT take credit for this.

From me...

I don't care how long I need to wait,if there's a chance for you and me to be I seriously can wait forever.I never love someone soo much and for this long.Right now it doesnt look like there's any possibility of me loving another person.I'm tired of going with people when i don't fully love them.But I know I'm fully in love with you...I really love you...-Alister.T

-I dont expect you to read this but if you do..please forgive me I really don't know what to do...just soo in love with you..-

2009-01-28T20:34:00.002+08:00

Those Simple Things Do Hurt After All.

I never thought in my life that little things would hurt/distract me.Well there's a first for some things right? The entire day I was wondering why something didn't happen,during physics I finally got my answer.I heard a knock knock sound and to my surprise I saw something and I wondering why not me why her?No offense intended I mean it have been me for quite some time,why the sudden change without any notice? After that I completely lost my mood and just kept quiet.I mean now I know how much those little things do matter.And at some point I was even at the point to crying a few tears.I don't want to put a fake smile anymore but I should just act the way I really feel,sad,depressed,hurt and disturbed.

Already dealt with an early disappointment as Astro did not show my Manchester United game on TV early morning.I brushed that aside thinking that school would be better,I mean after all the thing that makes me happy is there,what could possibly go wrong? Oh how I wished I stayed home,yesterday night I was suffering from stomachache and headache should have just stayed home.But instead I opted to go to school.Early morning fought with Arian,seriously if he keeps on getting on my nerves I will seriously punch him especially since I'm not in the mood and do NOT have patience to deal with his stupidness.I will say it again,I am NOT happy being in this school and I WOULD change to JIS given the chance.But then again...I don't want to..

Will tomorrow be any better?Seriously doubt it.After what happened today I just dont think I can put on another fake smile just carry on like everything is okey,because it is not.Been making horrible decisions lately this proves how distracted I am.I even lost my appetite to eat lunch and dinner even.Gosh I'll update before I sleep.I'll probably make 3 short post before I sleep so keep checking back.

"You look so beautiful today,When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away,So i try to find the words that i could say,I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away" - Alister.T

2009-01-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

Lost Respect.

From my nursery up to primary 6 and some parts of form 1 I respect PDS/SMSS but right now I just don't care. The standard has gone down like shit. But the thing I hate most is the people not all but majority. Most of them are fucking anti-social and only stick with one group its fucked up. The other thing is alot of people will act as your friend because your in the same class but when your not in the same class anymore they treat you like complete stragers its stupid.

My mind is set,I'm moving to Jerudong International School.Why? Its way better there.I'll fully fit in over there.And plus I could even discover something that I'm good at with all the facilities provided.The people defers so its good,racism wont be a big problem over there or so I hope.I clearly don't belong in a school where everyone sticks to one group or people,I'm tired of being the outcast as the only chinese in the group.Plus alot of racism are flying around and I have no idea that the teachers could be that stupid and not do anything about it,maybe there racist themselves.

I've been in PDS/SMSS for what 14 years? I need a fresh start in a different school,different people,different teachers just different everything.I don't feel motivated nor inspired in pds/smss anymore its just like a dull fuck up place.

The thing is I don't want to leave someone.Yes "1" person only.I don't give a shit about the rest.Moving will make me happy but leaving her wont make me happy.I don't know what to do seriously.Will update soon,regain my mood to blog once again.

2008-12-19T21:35:00.002+08:00

MY Personal Statement.

Love is what everyone is seeking for and I am no different.Love IS necessary

A breakup is never easy, even more so when your dealing with family,health and school problems.

I am still suffering from the aftermath of my painful split from my ex and the events that happened in form 1.

This came as I began my road to recovery after 6 or7 major operations in my life so far.And those operations wont be the end as maybe I'll be under the knives at least one more time.

My split with my ex was finalised a month ago this day.

What I admire in my ex is that at first sight she is a confident girl unlike me

When I was younger I looked at the bright side of thing things, but not any more. It’s difficult to find it, much more so in my case, difficult emotionally.

When I say the truth or what I feel it’s difficult to understand me because I’m a complicated person.

Before I got angry for nothing and now I contain myself more.

I am still recovering from the aftermath of my surgeries and with the lost of my aunt to cancer.Was never close to my aunt but when somebody dies in such events its never easy.Nobody deserves to go this way but she was not alone in her time of difficulties.

"You'll Never Walk Alone"

Until you lose what you had you never appreciate and cherish those moments.

It’s indescribable. You just can’t understand it if you never went through the same grief that I did from the time I was born until now.

Before I only thought of my life and in dedicating all my time for my own things and needs — and suddenly my entire scale of values changes with just an event.

It’s good to go deep into other things. It’s tiring to talk only about what can be seen and heard.Cause you only can redeem yourself or explain yourself when people give you the chance to open up your feelings without being punish or hurt in return.And people seldom give you that chance.

"I am who I am thanks to my bestfriend.I didn't say family because they are special.I saw very hard things in my childhood but fortunately I have a friend that is very straight and special in my heart."

I couldn’t understand why my friends could go out at night and I can't. I could see them from the window. It frustrated me.

While they were having fun outside I was asking my mother why I couldn’t go out. It hurt a lot.While they could have fun and have alot of friends I was asking god why I can't have that.

Almost all of my friends from that time are now in sticky situations. It isn't easy to get out of that sticky situation.

If you’re my bestfriend you have to be hard on a person like me.

My life was complicated but not a slum.

There are many youngsters who don’t listen to their parents and bestfriend/s, and that is a problem. My parents and bestfriend were very hard and that’s why I was able to get ahead.

When I came out of primary school,I saw clearly that my life should go in a straight line.

I understood that I had to do something. I was alone at home when that hit me. The people don’t understand why I’m a loner but it’s for that reason. I had to deal with my own problem without a bestfriend for more than 3 years.I felt like I couldn't trust anyone,I felt like I was alone. I couldn’t reach out to people and that is why I like being alone.

"I like being alone. It reminds me of my youth. It’s a way of life. I like being with my friends but my life has always been like this.Its either myself or only with my bestfriend"

2008-12-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

Will This Be My Downfall?

I don't know what to do,I don't think I can keep this inside any longer.I just need to let it out even if people knows about it I just need to say it especially to that person.But I can't..must not.It really hurts soo bad.Can't look at photos which involves her just hurts soo much and makes me angry and jealous for some reason.I'm not a person who has problems with anger I'm over it already but everytime I see photos of her just makes me angry,hurts me and jealous at the same time.But the phuck up bit is I want to see her photo especially when I can't see her in person.

Its taking over my life.My fitness and performance in football is dropping like hell I can't even dribble or stop an incoming ball properly.I find it difficult to sleep at night and it just hard to focus on things because I can't stop thinking about her.It really hurts.I'm more worried about this then my trip to the doctor on December 20 which will determine if I need an operation or not.Take my mobile phone wanting to text her but I dare not.Pick up the telephone line wanting to call her but I dare not.I would cycle to her house if she wanted me to anything for her...anything.

2008-12-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

Feeling really really down..

2008-11-30T18:22:00.002+08:00

*EDITED LYRICS BUT DESCRIBES HOW I'm FEELING.

If I could say this to her I'd keep saying this to her.
If I could get the guts I'd tell her this
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that got her
Now you'd probably get this picture from my personal messages
That I'm a Cutting-packing drug addict that lives with painkillers
But I wanna take this time to be perfectly honest, cause there's alot of shit
That I keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world, and I think my neck is breaking
Should I just give up, or try to live up to these expectations
Now look, I love her more than life in it self
But I got a life thats determined to make my life living hell
But I handle it well, giving the circumstances that I'm down with
Its to bad she could had someone else loving her
But the years that I've wasted
Is nothing to the tears that I've tasted, so here's what I'm facing:
Lonely nights, six years of rehabilitation, I've went to hell for her
I've been hit for her, I've hit peoples backs and make them bent over backwards for her.

But fuck it, its not over there's more reasons to cry more
I don't got her, the only girl that I adore
She has travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner..not me..
And suddenly it seems like my shoulder blades have just got heavier
Its like the worst gift you can get, the weight has been added
And now it feels like the world's on my shoulder
Cause She doesn't know that her friend love her.

Remember if you ever want something I'll be here?Well remember I'm always here for you..i love you..-Alister.T

2008-11-26T01:39:00.002+08:00

Not Like The Others

I'm not here to be a fake and make friends with people I don't like.I'm not going to pretend that I like certain people so I can add it to my friend list. I rather have friends that I'm comfortable with and people who will have a good influence in my life.I prefer not to go to the mall often because I rather play football which WILL benefit my health instead of going to the mall everyday and do shit stuff thats going to ruin my life.

Its not that I don't have a life.The way I live my life is unique.I rather be home playing with my dogs then go out and waste my money on stuffs I don't need.I rather be at home playing games with my friends or chatting with my friends.I love to go out in the afternoon to do some exercise or just enjoy nature.Yes I do go out every now and then but you will NOT see me being addicted to going out.I'm a simple person.I don't need alot of friends to die a happy person.Give me less than 10 friends and a best friend then I can die with a smile on my face.I'm not a movie addict I watch every now and then so don't get me wrong if I don't talk about movies its not my thing same goes with TV series.I don't socialize much but that doesn't mean I'm friendly who knows if we talk often we could be friends thats the way it going to work.I like peace and quiet and occasionally some action and noise.

You only get once chance to live so I'm gonna live it the way I want it to be.I'm not going to waste it and make myself uncomfortable.Yes I am temperamental its because it piss the living shit out of me that people with large friend base think that there "Cool" or something and starts acting mean to those less popular and taunt them.I also hate those bitchy people because in their deluded little brains they think there "Hot" or something.Quite frankly I find you people very stupid and a freak.I hate attention seekers and I'm referring to those who will go extreme to get attention cause face it we all are attention seekers but I hate those who will go the extreme length to get attention its annoying do it in a decent and appropriate way if you want to get someone's attention or at least if you want my attention,remember I don't have much patience.

Its stupid that some people are scared to live their lives because of society nowadays.In my opinion its a shitty world out there so please don't make it any shittier.I'm not perfect but at least I know humble.Sometimes I'm not but I'm only human do forgive me.I want to help people and thats what I'm going to do when I grow up.I'm no good in education nor sports but I'm giving back to God and to those people who touch my life in one way or another and I'm going to do it the best way I know how.

Alister.T-My Personal Statement

2008-11-25T21:21:00.002+08:00

"when i look your not there but when i close my eyes your everywhere...."

Its been 2 days in a row that I dreamt about her.Am I seriously in love with her? Probably.The fuck up part is that I notice myself wanting to sleep all the time or at least close my eyes.Like the tittle says when I look she's not there but when I close my eyes my god she's always with me even if she probably doesn't want too.Who can blame her I probably freak her out with my ugliness or something.

Been suffering from mindblasting headaches that could kill you I swear to god.But by the grace of god I have no idea how I manage to cope with it.I slept at 4 this morning and woke up at i dont know 8?I'm going to watch Champions League tonight Zenit St. Petersburg vs Juventus at 1.30am Brunei time(Nov 26) and straight after that game will be Villareal vs Manchester United and kick off is at 3.30am which will end around 5.30am so I'll probably sleep after that and I have to idea what time I'll wake up.Subject to change though if I find something else to do between now and 3.30.But I am definitely watching the Manchester United game.

Anyway moving back to the first paragraph.Gosh I miss her soo much and I don't think I'm allowed to tell her or tell her how I feel.Not going to risk everything.Yes its hurting me very badly but what the heck its life if you don't suffer you must be doing something wrong that's against the will of god.A million words couldn't describe how I'm feeling and I could never talk to her about this I just go blank and cant find a single word to describe how I'm feeling.

"I'm wishing old wishes like wishing you'll be back again..."-Alister.T

2008-11-25T00:15:00.001+08:00

Long Survey About Yourself

What time are you starting this?: 12.18am
Name?: Alister Tieng
Nicknames?: Rated R Loser,Soul Survivor,Legendd
Date of birth?: 15/6/1993
Sex?: Male
Height?: 156Cm
Eye color?: Ntah eh
Where were you born?: Brunei
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?: 15
Pets?: Dogs
Hair color?: Black
Piercings?: None
Town you live in?: Kilanas
Favorite foods?: Western,Japanese,Chinese,Indian,Burger King and Subway
Ever been to Africa?: No
Been toilet papering?: Whuaa
Love someone so much it made you cry?: Yes..RIGHT NOW
Been in a car accident?: No
Croutons or bacon bits?: Both =)
Favorite day of the week?: Ntah
Favorite resturant?: Ntah
Favorite flower?: Nada
Favorite sport to watch?: Football
Favorite drink?: Banyak
Favorite ice cream flavor?: Banyak
Warner Bros. or Disney?: Both
Favorite fast food restuarant?: Burger King,Mc Donald
Carpet color in your bedroom?: Nada
Whom did you get your last email from?: Connie I think
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?: nadaa credit card buii
What do you do most often when you are bored?: Tidor
Most annoying thing to say to me?: ntah
Bedtime?: No curfew
Favorite TV show?: Banyakk
Last person you went out to dinner with?:: Errrr...Ntah
Been out of country?: yeap
Believe in magick?: Whuaa
Ford or Chevy?: None
What are you listening to right now?: Zac Brown Band-Chicken Fried
Have you ever failed a grade?: Nope
If you have, what grade did you fail?: -
Do you have a crush on someone?: Yea..i guess
Do you have a bf/gf?: Nope
If so, what is their name?: N/A
How long have you been together?: N/A
What are you wearing right now?: Yellow shirt and white shorts
Would you have sex before marriage?: No
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: Nope
Are you a virgin?: Yes
Do you smoke?: Used too
Do you drink?: Used too
Are you ghetto?: Whuaa
Are you a player?: No,im fucking ugly
What are your favorite colors?: Malas to type
What is your favorite animal?: Dogs
Do you have any birthmarks?: Nope,but i will have alot of deathmarks
Who do you talk to most on the phone?: Depends
Have you ever been slapped?: Yes
Do you get online a lot?: Yes
Are you shy or outgoing?: Shy
Do you shower?: Yes -.-
Do you hate school?: Sometimes
Do you have a social life?: Yes
How easily do you trust people?: No
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: I guess
Would you ever sky dive?: Already did
Do you like to dance?: No
Have you ever been out of state?: Havent been to USA
Do you like to travel?: Yes
Have you ever been expelled from school?: ALmost
Have you ever been suspended from school?: Almost
Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Yes
Are you spoiled?: No
Are you a brat?: No Idea
Have you ever been dumped?: Banyak x
Do you like snapple?: Whuaa
Do you drink a lot of water?: Yes
What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate
Do you have a cell phone?: yes
Do you have a curfew?: Nope
Who do you look up to?: God
Are you a role model?: No
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?: Whuaa
What name brand do you wear the most?: Dont know
What kind of jewelry do you wear?: Nadaa
What do you want pierced?: Nada
Do you like takin pictures?: At times
Do you like gettin your picture taken?: At times
Do you have a tan?: No
Do you get annoyed easily?: If im in a bad mood yes
Have you ever started a rumor?: Yes
Do you have your own phone or phone line?: Yeap
Do you have your own pool?: No
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: Anything
Do you have any siblings?: Yes
Have you ever been played?: Yes
Have you ever played anyone?: No
Do you get along with your parents?: Not really
How do you vent your anger?: Punch the walls,cut,drink
Have you ever ran away?: No
Have you ever been fired from a job?: No
Do you even have a job?: Nope xD
Do you daydream a lot?: Yes
Do you run your mouth?: No
What do you want a tattoo of?: My butt
What do you have a tattoo of?: Nada
What does your ex bf/gf look like?: A girl
What does your most recent crush look like?: Words cant describe her
Whats her/his name?: Aint telling xp
Are you rude?: At times
What was the last compliment you recieved?: I had a insult not a compliment
What is your heritage?: Chinese
What is your lucky number?: 69/64
What does your hair look like right now?: Ntah
Could you ever be a vegetarian?: NO
Describe your looks?: Ugly
Would you ever date someone younger than you?: Yea
Would you ever date someone older than you?: 1 year older yes
When was the last time you were drunk?: Ntah batah suda
How many rings until you answer the phone?: 3 or 4
Have you ever been skinny dipping?: No
If yes, when was the last time?: N/A
When was the last time you went on a date?: Long time ago brotha
Do you look more like your mother or father?: Ntah
Do you cry a lot?: YES
Do you ever cry to get your way?: No
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: Hello? xD
Are you the romantic type?: Ntah ask the girls
Have you ever been chased by cops?: No
What do you like most about your body?: Nothing
What do you like least about your body?: Everything
When did you have your first crush?: Pri 4?
When was the last time you threw up?: Ntah
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Ntah?
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?: Nope
What about cleavage?: -.-
Is your best friend a virgin?: Yeap,what kind of fucking question is that
What theme does your room have?: Its white xD
What size show do you wear?: Ntah
What is your screen name on AIM?: Dont have AIM
How are you feeling right now?: Pissed off and sad
When was the last time you were at a party?: Ntah
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Yeap
What is one of your bad qualilties?: Get angry easy
What is one of your good qualilties?: Good listener
Would you marry for money?: No
What do you drive?: My bicycle xD
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?: Neither
So?: nothing
Well?: nothing
When was the last time you cried in school?: Ntah
What kind of music do you like?: Banyakk
Would you ever bungee jump?: already did =)
What is your worst fear?: Losing her
Would you ever join the army?: No
Do you like cows?: Yes
If you were to die today, what would you do?: Die faster
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?: do the love sign with my hand and say "you"
Do you like to party?: No
Hearts or broken hearts?: Broken hearts
Moons or stars?: Stars
Coke or pepsi?: Pepsi
Favorite scent?: My fart
Favorite band?: Revelation Theory
Would you ever dye your hair red?: No
How many languages can you speak?: 3
What time are you finishing this?: 12.37

2008-11-24T20:18:00.002+08:00

I failed...

At the age of 15 most people would think that their life has just started but not me.I ruined it already.Growing up I got myself involve with Pills,smoking and alcoholic drinks.I was never good with my studies.Nothing special when it comes to sports.I don't see a bright future for myself.I love traveling but one can't possibly make a living with that alone.

My brother was the better child among the two of us,he's the future of this family.I don't want to keep smiling when I'm broken in two.Everyday I scream for some odd reason thinking that'll she'll hear me.I just want one wish thats all I can go on with the rest of my life if I have that one wish.But wishes don't happen that easily and you have to work to get it.Face it I'm a ugly bastard,not good in studies so with that I don't think I can get what I want.Its the truth why bother denying it.You surely won't be seeing me as a manger or a vice president or something if I have a future it would be based on my skills like some jobs which I cant think of at this time.

Anyway I'll update later but before I go..

"million years from now,I'll be loving you still...." - Alister.T

2008-11-22T12:22:00.004+08:00

I can't & Don't want to escape from it...

*Take note I'm planning to release a new blog which will focus more on my "problem".Will confirm soon.

As weird as it seems I don't want to run away from this problem.For those who have chat or know about this problem you should know what I'm referring to.I don't like to leave things unfinished but at the same time how can I solve the problem when I don't even have the guts to approach it.By strength and will of god maybe one day I will confront it.But I seriously doubt I could handle the result if it doesn't go my way.I mean I'm not forcing it to go my way but if it naturally doesn't I just don't know what to do next.

I'm tired of pretending that I'm over it when clearly I'm far from over from it.I just thought it would fade away and by distracting myself it would just go away.But it didn't the more I try to distract myself from it the more it get worse.The more I try to forget about it,the more I think about it and the more I try to hate it the more I love it.I'm at the point where its my main priority besides god that is.God comes first. Cause simply without god there I wouldn't be here.Yes I'm trying to be more religious got a problem with that?If you do well i don't see how thats my problem.

*Note that I'm trying to use words or sentences that will hide the identity of the problem.If the sentence is weird do forgive me but I do NOT want the problem to be known.If you want to know directly please chat with me.

I am stuck in between two very opposite situation.The first situation is I want the problem to be completely pressure free.I don't want to give it any pressure just want it happy without or without me.But on the other hand I want it to give me first priority which is selfish you can say but well I don't know I get jealous fast and well basically I suck real bad.But if your going to ask me which is more important to me then the answer would be just want the problem to be happy with or without me though it'll hurt me I'll cope with it somehow like I always do.

Some pictures since I'm bored..

2008-11-19T23:41:00.003+08:00

Forget

"and forget where the heart is..."

In this world nothing is won by the heart alone in my point of view.And I'm speaking by majority.Sports are sometimes won by drugs or steroids which are never detected sometimes,Studies are mostly won by cheating and love is definitely not won by the heart alone.Those who win sports,studies and love with hard work and determination I solute you for those who cheated I hope you burn in hell.

Why do I say this? Well because its a fact.Your not going to see a poor guy get a rich girl and you won't see a good guy getting a pretty girl.UNLESS that person have the looks or the money.Its always the case.Thats why we good people get screwed in love and end up being depress.No matter how hard we try we just cant compete with those who have money or the looks or the height.People are base on the outside not on whats inside.Attitude and how a good a person is in terms of manners and personality does not count to most people.Once they know they are rich BOOM automatically all the boys and girls want to be with him/her.Not all of us can be fortunate in terms of looks and height but at least give us a chance.We might not have the looks or the height but we definitely have something inside of us to impress you people enough.

I'm fed up with people rejecting people who don't have the looks or whatever.It just isn't fair the limit is just being bestfriends.If that person have something that your looking for except the looks or the height give that person a fighting chance.That person is good to you and treat you very well the least you could do is give that person a chance.But if you don't feel the same way no problem unless you don't feel the same way because that person is ugly or too short in your opinion.If that person had a wish I bet that person would be all that you wanted but that person don't so at least give it some consideration.Its not our fault we don't have any fairy god parents.

Its like people reject without knowing how much that could effect the rejected person.If its for a reasonable reason so be it.But when you reject someone because of their height,money or looks its like the bullshitiest feeling you can ever feel.It hurts a lot okey its not something to take lightly.Anyway I'm really not in the mood and I'm on the verge of crying.Who cares its not like anyone reads my blog.Even if people do read my blog they wont give a single shit.So yea till then.

2008-11-18T22:45:00.002+08:00

**~Long Survey~**

The Basics and Some Personals
Name:: Alister Tieng
Age:: 15
Shoe Size:: 7
Height:: 156cm
Weight:: 54
Pants Size:: Ntah eh
Shirt Size:: Ntah eh
Innie or Outie?: Outie

Love Questions
Are you in Love?: I guess
Are you single or taken?: Taken
If single, for how long?: -
If taken, for how long?: 1 Month
If taken, by whom?: Her
Do you like guys or girls?: Girls
What do you think about Sporty guys?: No comment
Smart?: No comment
Dorky?: No comment
Popular?: No comment

Your Favorites
Kind of Food:: Western to Indian to Japanese to Chinese
Color:: Blue,red,yellow
Song:: Rev Theory-Voices
Band:: Rev Theory
Singer:: Ntah
CD:: Ntah
Kind of Music:: Banyakk
Animal:: Dog
Place to be?: Auckland
Vacation spot:: Ntah
Actor:: Nada
Actress:: Nada
Comedian:: Russel Peters
Soap Opera:: nada
Day Time Talk Show:: Nada
Game Show:: The Moment Of Truth
All Around Favorite Show:: Banyak buii
Drink:: Banyak
Restaurant:: Banyakk
Number:: Ntah
Letter:: Ntah
Word:: Shit

Your Short Opinion on..
George W. Bush:: Nada
Gay Marriage:: No comment
Rocketing Gas Prices:: Fuck you
Minimum Wage ($6.75):: Whatapak
Drunk Driving:: Go die
Legal Driving Age:: 18 is fine with me
Anorexia:: Astafirallah
Mary-Kate and Anorexia:: Astafirallah
Lindsay Lohan (18) and her 23-year-old boyfriend:: Astafirallah
Young Marriages:: Astafirallah
Young Parents:: Astafirallah
Pregnency without a Marriage:: Astafirallah
Telemarketers:: Go to hell
Pop Quizzes:: Shit
This Survey:: Okey

Label Your Friends!
Loudest:: Raffie
Quietest:: Justin
Nicest:: Danice
Person who doesn't think before they speak:: Raffie
Outspoken:: Me
Annoying:: Oliver
Popular or has best chance of becoming popular:: Ntah
Best Dressed:: Khairul x
Worst Dressed:: Ntah
Sweetest:: Danice
Giving:: Khairul
Selfish:: Ntah
Ungrateful:: Ntah
Social Butterfly:: Ntah
Will be crowned Most Likely to Succeed by their class:: Umairah and Fatma

This or That
Soda/Punch: Soda
Sour/Sweet: Sweet sometimes sour depends
Summer/Winter: Winter
Christmas/Thanksgiving: Christmas
Easy/Challenging: Depends
Light/Dark: Light sometimes dark
Sun/Moon: Moon
TV/Movies: Depends
Out with Friends/Out with Family: Both will be fine
Cat/Dog: Dog
Penguin/Dolphin: ASTA BOTH XD
Book/Magazine: NONE

Last Questions about the Survey
Did you like the survey?: Yea it was funn
Would you reccomend it to a friend?: Malass xD
Where will you put your results?: Blogger
Thanks for coming...: No problemo

2008-11-17T23:58:00.003+08:00

No Way Out

Thats a perfect line to go with.Everywhere I go I am being tested by I don't know who its either god or pure coincidence but everywhere I go I either see some brand of alcoholic drink or shows about people cutting themselves.Yea as you can see I'm still not over with my battle against Alcohol and cutting though I haven't cut or drink for a looong time.

I don't want to run away from the truth but I also don't want to embrace the truth.It'll hurt too much if I bring it up.Somethings are better left unsaid but sometimes you need to say it but I don't know its a lose-lose situation in my point of view.Everything seems to hurt real bad even the thought of not aiii nevermind better stop just incase some people will know which problem I am referring to.

Ill update tomorrow the problem is really overwhelming.Maybe I should just die maybe then everyone will be happy.

2008-11-17T00:53:00.001+08:00

This song really describes how i feel sighs....

David Archuleta
A Little Not Over You

(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh
eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It's for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Memories
Supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand
Yeah, oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooooooh
Oh
Ooooh, oh

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do

I'm just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

2008-11-17T00:40:00.002+08:00

130 Things People Want To Know About You

.: The Basics :.
Name?: Alister Tieng
Age?: 15
Gender?: Male
Location?: Brunei
Hair color?: Black
Eye color?: Ntah eh
shoe size?: Ntah eh
height?: 156cm
interests:: Football/Writing poems

.: Favourites :.
food: Western,Japanese,Chinese,Indian,Burger King and Subway
drink: Banyak buii
music style: Ntah eh
music artist/band: Rev Theory
tv show: Whose line is it anyway?
movie: Dont like any movie just watch for the sake of watching
thing to do: Tdor and cry
ice cream: Any
colour: Blue,red,yellow
song: Rev Theory-Voice
book: Learning How To Die
computer game: Football Manager
board game: Monopoly =D
dessert: Any
quote: I suck deal with it
animal: Dogs
holiday: Banyakk
number: Ntah
name: I dont know
.: Friendship :.:
who's your best friend?: Danice
other close buddies...?: Wapee,Ahmad,Syaarah
last friend you hung out with: Dyllan
last friend you hugged: Dyllan before I left Singapore
last friend you saw a movie with: Lupaa
last friend's house you went to: Dyllan
any friends you cant stand?: Yes
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?: YES
if so, who?: Adalerr
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?: Dont think so
most annoying friend?: Oliver stupid chelsea fan xD
most preppy friend?: Ntah
darkest friend?: Khairul xD
hyper-est friend?: Ella
nicest friend?: Mairah
funniest friend?: Wapee
meanest friend?: Khairul
most outgoing friend?: Raffie
shyest friend?: Justin
hottest friend?: Nobody karang everyone prasan tia
friend with the best personality?: Ntah all of them
friend with the best music taste?: Wapee
friend who sings the best?: Azy
friend who laughs the most?: Syaarah
friend you enjoy being around the most?: Danice
friend who your parents love?: Ahmad
friend who your parents hate?: I dont know
friend your parents don't know about?: Alot xD

.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?: Wapee xD
if so, what gender?: Male
how far have you gone?: Few minutes xD
the last person you hugged:: Dyllan
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?: Half an hour xD
hottest friend?: I dont know
hottest celebrity?: Ntah eh
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?: No one
dream date:: No idea
dream honeymoon:: No Idea
age you want to get married (if not already): 25++
number of kids you want to have (if not already): 2
straight?: Yes
gay?: Partially
bi?: No
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?: None

.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush: Who?xD
rap or rock: Rock
pop or country: Pop
movie or tv show: Tv Show
girl or guy: Girl
fire or water: Water
death or life: Death
cheerleader or punk: Cheerleader
prep or jock: Prep
kroger or publix: Whuaa
walmart or target: Walmart
avril or jay-z: Avril
pink or black: Pink
cheez it or cheese nip: Whuaa
cat or dog: Dog
tape or glue: Glue
msn or aim: MSN
mall or movies: Movies
writing or typing: Typing
phone or computer: Phone
baseball or football: Football
p.e. or health: PE
high school or middle school: Any
dunkin donuts or starbucks: Starbucks
amc or united artists: Whuaa
walgreens or CVS: Whuaa
brownies or cookies: Cookies
reading or writing: Writing
surveys or polls: Any
livejournal or xanga: Blogger xD
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson: Yellowcard
AFI or Jojo: Jojo
Green Day or Beastie Boys: Green Day
kill or be killed: Be killed
eat or be eaten: Eat
hate or be hated: hate
ocean or pool: Ocean
singing or dancing: Singing
heart or peace sign: Heart
halloween or christmas: Christmas
question or answer: Answer
fear factor or the o.c.: Fear Factor
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?: BOTH
Disney or The N: Disney
pancakes or waffles: Waffles
strawberrys or blueberrys: Strawberry
yogurt or frozen yogurt: Yogurt
kiss or hug: Hug
guitar or drums: My butt

2008-11-16T22:02:00.002+08:00

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly! - A Survey of Your Life

* So Basically... *
Name?: Alister Tieng
Age?: 15
Sex?: Male
Birth Date?: 15/6/1993
Hair Color?: Black
Eye Color?: Ntah eh
Height?: 156cm
Weight?: 54Kg
Body Type?: Man-ly xD
Piercings?: Nadaa
Tattoos?: Does cuts considered as tattoos if so ALOT =D
What are you wearing right now?: Yellow Shirt and Blue pants
Hair style at the moment?: Normal

* Favorites *
Soda?: Anything
Food?: Western,Japanese,Chinese,Indian
Drink?: Anything
Alcoholic Drink?: Banyakk
Time of day?: Around 4-7 pm
Season?: Autumn
Day of the week?: Friday I thinkk
Song at the moment?: Rev Theory-Voices
Band/Artist?: Rev Theory
Book?: Learning How To Die
Subject in school?: English
Place in the USA?: St Louis Missouri
Place outside the USA?: Aukland
Color?: Blue,red,yellow
Style of clothes?: Simple boy=T-shirts
Store?: The Best
Mall?: Vivo City Mall
City?: Vivo City/Sengkang/Tampines/Orchard Road
Website?: www.there4me.com
Magazine?: Nadaa
Kind of pet?: Dogs

* Worst *
Place to be?: Next to me
Class in school?: Maths
Time of dayr?: Early Morning
Season?: Summer
Kind of pet?: Snake?
Drink?: Anything too sour
Food?: Anything too sour
Mall?: Small crowded mall
Store?: Rude people who works in the store
Style of clothes?: ntah eh
Celebrity?: ntah eh
Color?: nadaa
Book?: Nadaa
Type of music?: Nadaa
Website?: Nadaa
Magazine?: Nadaa

* Daily Life *
When do you get up?: When I god damn desire
What is your first thought?: I'm still alive..DAMN
What do you do first?: Bang myself on the wall
When does school end?: 12.20
Do you see your friends?: Duhh?
What do you do when you get home?: Continue tidor
What time do you go to bed?: When I god damn desire
* Do you...*: -.- NO
Brush your teeth daily?: Yes
Brush your hair daily?: No
Shower daily?: Yes
Sing?: Yes
Dance?: Yes
Party?: In the football field YES
Read books?: NO
Listening to music a lot?: YES
Read magazines?: NO
Go online a lot?: Usually awayy
Stay on AIM all day even with an away message?: Sortaa
Have a religion?: Yes
Have an IPod?: No
Want an IPod?: No
Have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend?: Yes
Play an instrument?: My butt
Get sick a lot?: Nope
Watch TV?: Yes
Like MTV?: Not really
Like VH1?: NOpe
Like the History Channel?: Yes,so what?
Have Digital Cable?: Apatuhh
Have more than 500 channels on your TV?: I think xD
Listen to the radio?: No
Still use your CD player?: No
Stalk people?: No xD
Have more than 200 buddies on your Buddy List?: Yes
Have dial-up internet?: No
Have AOL?: No
Know HTML?: Yes
Have a GPA higher than 3.9?: Apatuhh

* Music *
Do you listen to Rap?: Yes
R & B?: Yes
Blues and/or Jazz?: Yes
Classical?: Yes
Pop?: Yes
Country?: Yes
Emo/Scremo?: Yes
Heavy Metal?: Yes
Christian?: Yes
Techno?: Yes
Reggae?: Yes
Broadway Musical songs?: Yes
Oldies?: Yes

* In A Boyfriend/Girlfriend *
Hair color?: Something odinary xD
Eye color?: dont care
Tattoos?: None if possible,later mama scream at me xD
Piercings?: Reasonable amount please
Favorite Music?: Dont care
Style of clothing?: Something that have standard will do
Body Type?: Not fat xp
Personality or Looks?: Dont care
Would you go out with someone just for their money?: Heck no
Do you go on "Pity Dates"?: Once..xD
Do they have to be popular?: Nope
Does the guy ask the girl or the other way around?: Either way im fine
Where do you go on the first date?: The graveyard
Kiss on the first date?: No Comment

* Right Now *
Do you think you look good right now?: No
Are you eating something?: Yes
Are you drinking something?: Yes
Are you IMing anyone?: Yes
Are you talking on the phone with someone?: No
Are you talking face to face with someone?: No
What song are you listening to?: Rev Theory-Your the one
What are you watching on TV?: Nadaa
What other websites do you have open?: Blogger
Why are you taking this survey?: Buang buring
Where are you going to post it?: Blogger
What are you going to do after this?: Cari hal

* What do you Believe? *
Do you believe in ghosts?: Yes
The afterlife?: Yes
Aliens?: Yes
God?: Yes
The devil?: Yes
Heaven?: Yes
Hell?: Yes
Scientology?: NO
Hinduism?: No
Buddhism?: No
Christianity?: YES
Taoism?: No
Judism?: No
Jesus?: Yes
Nothing?: Yes
Reincarnation?: Dont care
Yourself?: NOT AT ALL

* Randoms *
Have you been on an airplane before?: Duhh
Where were you going?: Last time singapore
Have you been to another country?: Banyak x
Have you ever went to another country with your friends?: Yeap
Have you ever partied in another country?: Yeap
Have you ever went on a roadtrip with your friends?: Yeap
Ever stayed online more than 10 hours straight?: Yeap
Pretended to like someone just to get popular?: Nope
Talked about someone behind their back?: Yeap
Had someone talk about you behind your back?: Dont care
Been in a fight online?: Yes
Been in a fight face to face?: Yes
Been to Australia?: Yes
Do you like snakes?: No
Ever cried to get your own way?: Nope
Ever broken a bone?: Duiii banyak x
Ever had to stay in the hospital for more than a week?: Yes
Ever had serious surgery?: Yes
Ever went to one of those "adult" stores?: Nope
Ever bought clothes at Walmart?: Nope
Ever gotten clothes from the Salvation Army?: Nope
Ever paid more than 100 dollars for a pair of jeans?: No..I think..
Ever been on stage for any reason?: Yes
Ever been in a play?: Yes
Ever been in a choir?: Yes
Ever been in a band?: No
Do you play, or used to play, an instrument?: Yes my butt
Waxed your eyebrows?: No
Waxed your legs?: No
Cut yourself shaving?: No
Have you ever died?: I WISH
Was this survey an good at all?: Yes it was
What time is it right now?: 12.25am

2008-11-14T09:08:00.002+08:00

Update From Singapore

Going out in a few minutes but I still have time to update.Referring to the last post I still fell depress and I cant seem to concentrate Its like I cant even focus on what I'm doing sometimes I stuffs for no apparent reason.Its really fuck up.

Weather here is very cool and windy.We'll give a full detailed report when I get back to Brunei.We'll update later.

2008-11-12T23:54:00.012+08:00

"The Animal In Me"

Might as well post something before I leave for Singapore in about well less than 6 hours and 30 minutes.

I can't deny the fact that I took painkillers and alcohol back then.I thought I was completely clean when I was in Form 1 but 2 years later the craving came back. It all started when I lost my temper very easily and slowly everything came back from anger to different and mix emotions.Its just crazy being me.So later when your done reading go and thank god your not me.

Its all coming back to me, I can't deal with problems ,I've struggled to find a solution to solve these problems.When I was under painkillers and alcohol I could at LEAST push it aside but right now I just can't and its really taking over my life.I can't or don't want anyone to know the real truth because the truth hurts I think.Plus it wouldn't matter one shit anyway.

Oh if any of my sentence don't make no sense shut the fuck up and move on pal.Anyway moving on, my anger has gone wild while my patience is so little that I could get pissed at any second.I DO NOT HAVE A ANGER PROBLEM like some of you are saying.I just need some time to change.SHUT UP xD its not like I complain when you people have weird moods well maybe I do but still just shut up.

Back to the point,I'm dealing with this problem that have been bothering me for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG time and I still have yet to find a solution for it. The problem is soo complicated that it can make me angry,cry to even happy weird right? You'd probably understand if you know what the problem is.If you don't well its probably best you don't I guess.

I don't want to go back to cutting or drinking or painkillers but there's just come a point when God or whoever throws you a challenge or trial and you can't fix it.I swear to god whatever I do with the problem the result is always a Lose-Lose situation for me,it will not benefit me at all because there is only and I mean ONLY 1 result I want and I don't think it's gonna come out the way I want it to.Me fighting against my Drinking/Cutting/Painkiller problem is like putting out a fire with gasoline I'll end up making it more big if you know what I mean.

Well maybe going to Singapore will give me and idea on what to do cause I'm seriously dead clueless.Yes I'm stupid don't need to point that out to me.I'm not blind even though I'm using specs.Or maybe I'm going to waste my time like I always do and wait until last minute when that problem demands an answer. Still its not like I can find a solution that fast its like forcing a blind man to lead another blind man.

I just don't think I can ignore this problem.I wish I could but I just cant.Oh lord have mercy on me.Whatever I've done I don't think I deserve this.Maybe I do but still.I'm only human.Well thats all for now folks if you need any clarification just ask me when I get back on Saturday around 1.30pm until then take care everyone.

2008-11-09T21:39:00.001+08:00

Sighs..

Completely colorblind, these red lights are going unseen
Fall behind with words unsaid I know they're always obscene
cause my ears, they bled before; I need to let them heal
I fell out; my broken legs won't let me walk away
From this girl that couldn't give a single shit either way
And my fears, they bled before I’m convinced that they're real

What are you looking for?
Are you looking for something more?
But It's not me
It's not me

Lost my way from everything I swore I knew a friend
Run away from start to finish though it never ends
In my mind I am blinded by all I have seen
Close my eyes, I’ll just pretend the bullet isn't there
No surprise, no need to pretend that someone really cares
But in her eyes you will find the very best in me

What are you looking for?
Are you looking for something more?
It's not me
It's not me

When did it all unwind?
Are you prepared for what you'll find?
Don’t worry you wont find me
It's not me

2008-11-09T18:57:00.002+08:00

Not A Chance In Hell

I cant keep it inside any longer.Its fucking pissing me off that YOU have the fucking nerves to treat me this way.Well yea even though we are under these circumstances your just treating me like bullshit and this time I ain't gonna fix it,its your turn!! I'm tired of patching up our friendship! But if its over,its over I don't want to wait for no reason.

Anyway recently I have been sick and injured nice right?Thanks to all those who wish me well when I was sick even those I'm not close with greeted me thanks.You see even those I'm not close with but YOU didn't even say anything useless baie kali.

2008-11-03T15:38:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna post something very funny/weird or whatever that happened in Hua Ho Tanjung Bunut xD

Me and my friend Vin was walking around when this two Filipino girls were secretly pointing at me and talking about me and I heard it so it went something like this.

Filipino Girls(FG)- His eyes are soo small
Alister-I Heard that you fucking immigrants!!!!
FG-Sorry!
Then both of them hurried down the escalator
Vin-....What theee fuck xD
Alister- =D
Alister-DQ?
Vin-Alright!

Stupid girls whats their problem with Chinese screw them like I say not all Bruneians will tolerate with their bullshits.

2008-11-02T20:51:00.007+08:00

"Time For Me To Be Alone"

I want to be alone
I just want some fresh air
We haven't been seeing eye to eye
And I'm fed up of feeling like I'm to blame

Skies are getting dark
And I think its time for a change
I wipe away the tears from my face
As I watch you walk away
It starts to rain
I guess I'll be ready for the end

How can I smile like before
But well maybe you don't care anymore
I wish it wasn't true
Maybe I wasn't suppose to have a happy ever after
But will my faith be strong enough to carry me on?

I wonder when will it be my day
Cause I'm not too far away from breaking down
I'll tell you about those nights I stayed awake
I'll tell you about those days I've hated you
I'll tell you about those times that I would rather die than be without you

Maybe I took the long way home
And maybe on the way I fell down
One day I will fade away from your life
When you look in the mirror,you'll see a smiling face
That person is me,yeah me

When we make choices, we gotta live with them
Heard you found a real good friend
I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind
Where would we be today
If I never walked out that way

But don't think I don't think about you
Don't think I don't have regrets
Don't think it don't get to me
Between the times I work and the times I hurt

Don't think I don't wonder about you
Could've been, should've been all worked out
Yeah I know what I felt, and I know what I said
But don't think I don't think about it
Don't think I don't think what I didn't say

2008-11-02T11:04:00.002+08:00

"Alister's Top Ten don't s"

1.Never bloody wake me up for no reason.
2.Never give me food that you know will not interest me.
3.Never and I seriously never attempt to deliberately disturb my girl,I won't hesitate to poke you with my cutter.
4.Once again never attempt to hurt my bestfriend and close friends.
5.Don't use my things without permission.
6.If I know your using me,you'll wait and see.
7.Never call me short,I'm not blind I know I'm short!
8.Don't come up to me and force me to give you money.
9.Don't talk too loud with your bloody friends its fucking annoying! If I'm talking loud I'm giving you guys a signal to shut up!
10.So what if I don't go to the mall every week or everyday,unlike you people I have a life.So don't be complaining how boring my life is.

TEEHEE =D

2008-11-01T10:44:00.004+08:00

"Alister's Year"

Completely bullshit, I tell myself everytime that next year will be better but it never does.I give up on praying cause the more I do the more god gives me the opposite on what I pray for.There's been more bad things that happened than good things that happened so far.

Its not that I'm an atheist its just that I need help now not 5 years from now. The fuck up part about this year for at least 9 months I had to deal with my problems on my own.I guess I still have to as I don't tell my problems that much but instead just keep it in.I have soo much anger towards alot of people and if one day I can't take it I will seriously go up to their faces and slap the living shit out of them.If you have access to my private link you'll know who are they.For those who don't..HAHA xp

Its not that I'm jealous its about their fucking attitudes and style.Anyway will post more about that in my private blog to avoid any bloodshed.I do believe in god but I strongly believe that he doesn't like me one bit.I think he also realized how useless I am and decided to help people who would be of a good use.

There's alot of rumors going around how I don't care about my bestfriend but well Its not true.So Please shut the fuck up because it hurts deep down when people say that.Alot of people say that me bestfriend is angry/pissed with me but just remember

"Its okey to be angry and never let go,it only gets harder the more that you know, when you get lonely if no one's around,You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down,we came together but you left alone,and I know how it feels to walk out on your own,maybe someday I will see you again,and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend"

-" I know I've been a useless friend but you haven't been,I'm sorry.. "- Alister.T

2008-10-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

*I Still refuse to talk about PMB

Sorry people been busy with my private blog.Holidays what I'm gonna do with them? Well lets say I got some plans up my sleeves.

Well nothing much to post about so I'm gonna leave you guys with shit =D

B

B	Back
B8	Bait (person teased or joked with, or under-aged person/teen)
B9	Boss is watching
B/F	Boyfriend
B/G	Background (personal information request)
B4	Before
B4N	Bye for now
BAG	Busting a gut
BA	Bad A
BAK	Back at keyboard
BAS	Big 'butt' smile
BAU	Business as usual
BAY	Back at ya
BB	Be back
BB	Bebi / Baby (Spanish SMS)
BBC	Big bad challenge
BBIAB	Be back in a bit
BBIAF	Be back in a few
BBIAM	Be back in a minute
BBIAS	Be back in a sec
BBL	Be back later
BBN	Bye, bye now
BBQ	Barbeque, "Ownage", shooting score/frag (online gaming)
BBS	Be back soon
BBT	Be back tomorrow
BC	Because
B/C	Because
BC	Be cool
BCNU	Be seeing you
BCOS	Because
BD	Big deal
BDAY	Birthday
B-DAY	Birthday
BDN	Big darn number
BEG	Big evil grin
BF	Boyfriend
BFAW	Best friend at work
BF2	Battlefield 2 (online gaming)
BF	Best friend
BFF	Best friends forever
BFFL	Best friends for life
BFFLNMW	Best friends for life, no matter what
BFD	Big freaking deal
BFG	Big freaking grin
BFFN	Best friend for now
BFN	Bye for now
BG	Big grin
BGWM	Be gentle with me
BHL8	Be home late
BIB	Boss is back
BIBO	Beer in, beer out
BIF	Before I forget
BIL	Brother in law
BION	Believe it or not
BIOYA	Blow it out your a**
BIOYN	Blow it out your nose
BISFLATM	Boy, I sure feel like a turquoise monkey! (unverified)
BLNT	Better luck next time
BM	Bite me
BME	Based on my experience
BM&Y	Between me and you
BOL	Best of luck
BOLO	Be on the look out
BOOMS	Bored out of my skull
BOSMKL	Bending over smacking my knee laughing
BOYF	Boyfriend
BPLM	Big person little mind
BRB	Be right back
BRD	Bored
BRT	Be right there
BSOD	Blue screen of death
BT	Bite this
BTA	But then again
BTDT	Been there, done that
BTW	By the way
BUBU	Slang term for the most beautiful of women
BWL	Bursting with laughter
BYOB	Bring your own beer
BYOC	Bring your own computer
BYOP	Bring your own paint (paintball)
BYTM	Better you than me

2008-10-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

MY NUMBER 1 FAN

ISAAC

2008-10-23T17:34:00.002+08:00

Alister's Top 3 Teachers

In number 3,people will find this an odd choice but I'm going for...T.Sandhya
Why?
Well though I find geography boring she manage to use some kind of wicked technique to put those important notes in my head.I've been struggling in my Geo since Form 1 but in form 3 my marks are never below 75% which is good since I've been failing terribly in Form 2.

In number 2 I'm choosing Cikgu Husaini.
Why?
Though I hate the peribahasa test every now and then he never fail to put a smile on our faces.On horrible days we wished we had Malay that day.Even when all our subjects sucks like shit there's always Malay to brighten up our day.

And the winner is.....T.Kasturi!!!
Yes yes I might be her small pet in class but I mean I am after all one of the top students in English in the whole form 3.Not showing according to T.Kasturi =D.I have always love English and that have not changed this year.Every Monday there's only one subject we're looking forward to and that's English.Fun teacher but I suggest you don't take advantage of that,we saw her other side on the first day of English class.

Other candidates involves T.Ajees part time MIB teacher And T.Sabu our computer teacher.

2008-10-22T21:55:00.001+08:00

Been busy blogging in me other blog will update here soon

2008-10-18T12:55:00.002+08:00

While i visited some websites I came across some acronym's used by some people well I dont use them cause not everybody understands them including me!

A3 Anytime, anywhere, anyplace
AA As above
AAF As a matter of fact
AAK Asleep at keyboard
AAK Alive and kicking
AAMOF As a matter of fact
AAMOI As a matter of interest
AAP Always a pleasure
AAR At any rate
AAS Alive and smiling
AASHTA As always, Sheldon has the answer (Bike mechanic Sheldon Brown)
AATK Always at the keyboard
ABT About
ABT2 Meaning About to
ABTA Meaning Good-bye (signoff)
ACD ALT / CONTROL / DELETE
ACK Acknowledge
ADAD Another day, another dollar
ADD Address
ADDY Address
ADN Any day now
ADR Address
AEAP As early as possible
AF April Fools
AFC Away from computer
AFAIAA As far as I am aware
AFAIC As far as I am concerned
AFAIK As far as I know
AFAIUI As far as I understand it
AFAP As far as possible
AFJ April Fool's joke
AFK Away from keyboard
AFPOE A fresh pair of eyes
AH At home
AIAMU And I am a money's uncle
AIGHT Alright
AIR As I remember
AISB As it should be
AISB As I said before
AISI As I see it
AITR Adult in the room
AKA Also known as
ALCON All concerned
AMBW All my best wishes
AML All my love
AMOF As a matter of fact
AOE Area of effect (online game)
AOM Age of majority
AOM Age of Mythology (online gaming)
AOTA All of the above
AOYP Angel on your pillow
APAC All praise and credit
AQAP As quick (or quiet) as possible
ASIG And so it goes
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L Age/sex/location
ASL Age/sex/location
ASLA Age/sex/location/availability
AT At your terminal
ATB All the best
ATEOTD At the end of the day
ATM At the moment
ATSITS All the stars in the sky
ATSL Along the same line (or lines)
AWC After awhile crocodile
AWESO Awesome
AWOL Away without leaving
AYDY Are you done yet?
AYEC At your earliest convenience
AYOR At your own risk
AYSOS Are you stupid or something?
AYS Are you serious?
AYT Are you there?
AYTMTB And you're telling me this because
AYV Are you vertical?
AZN Asian

What the fuck man seriously haha .Anyway my new blog is being postpone until further notice due to unforeseen circumstances.Will post later Insya Allah

2008-10-17T19:07:00.002+08:00

*Will NOT talk about PMB Examinations

Well sorry no updates was sick and nothing much happened recently.Will be launching my new blog by tomorrow its private so only invited people are allowed to read.Don't go to me and ask me to invite you cause you don't tell me what to do.If I invite so be it don't go nag about it.I'll still post new things here lets just say my new blog contains highly sensitive materials,Not porn for you assholes and perverts =D

Well we're 75 days away till 2009 so every now and then I'm gonna post my Top things for this year and what better way to start of by posting my...

"Alister's Top Ten ~~Girlfriends~~ Friends"..VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVICE

In NO Particular Order
1.Ahmad
2.Wapee
3.Ikhwan
4.Chelsea
5.Syaarah
6.Dessy
7.Wani
8.Danice
9.Umairah
10.Raffie

Those people I've spend the most with this year and if not they mean alot to me.Sorry syiqah you don't feature in this list cause your not my friend,your my LOVE xD.For those not mention well I'm easily forgetful and your name might not pop out in my head at time of posting this so no offense intended.

2008-10-16T22:03:00.001+08:00

Me sick update next time tah..my next rant about philippinos requested by VIN XD..if i get killed by then you take the blame!

2008-10-12T00:00:00.005+08:00

Rant About Pressure Givers

WARNING:This post contains highly sensitive materials and may cause diarrhea, blindness, headaches, heartaches, heart burnt and soo on.In simple if your a Pressure Giver..SHUT UP AND DON'T READ..Thank you =D

This is my first rant about pressure givers. I decided to do this because
1.PMB
2.Its been annoying the crap outta me for a long time.

Who And What The Heck A Is/Are Pressure Givers?
You know those annoying people who when under pressure brings people into their pressurize world? Yea those people are Pressure givers. It pisses me off I mean if your pressure about something, stop making people pressure too idiots! I mean you don't like the feeling of pressure so what makes you think people will enjoy you spreading your pressure?!

There are 2 Types Of Pressure Givers

We have the
O-ccasionally
P-Pressure
G-ivers

These type of people give or show pressure to others occasionally which is fine because everyone needs to bring people in their world every now and then, I mean heck even I do it.

Then we have the
O-H
M-Y
G-OSH
Y-OUR
P-ISSING
M-E
O-FF
P-RESSURE
G-GIVERS

Now this kind of people are annoying as hell.Everytime something comes up in their fucking life they complain like idiots. For example PMB is coming and alot of people have this soo call "countdown", please would you people just keep it to yourself. For heaven's sake we're not stupid you know we know when PMB is and for those who don't know well its your lost right? I mean people are trying to study here without the thought of how long PMB is. Its not like your counting down till the new year right? Countdown if the event is good and I know I'm dumb but i think majority will agree that PMB is NOT a happy event!

So there you are my first rant.

2008-10-10T11:51:00.004+08:00

This post is about Thursday since I didn't update =D

Well only one thing pops into my head when I think about school so yea.Before class I was "forced" to follow the Doa/Prayer so I followed after the prayer me and Wafi was talking when he suddenly sing a South Park song about Jews .

Alister-What the fuck?
Wapii-I hate Jews soo much..i think
Alister-Jadinya?your looking at me like I'm a Jew
Wapii-Well maybe you are
Alister-I'm not!
Wapii-Is your head a Jew?your hand a Jew?your leg a Jew?
Alister-Fuck no,none of it are Jews
Wapii-Fine....is your dick a Jew?
Alister-Shut up xD
Wapii-JEW haha
Alister-...SYIQAH MESSAGE D

Si Lister

Well in the afternoon me and Ahmad went to Hua Ho Sengkurong and there was alot of car and we needed to cross the road bear in mind there's 2 main roads we need to cross.The first road was hell because there was a big lorry blocking our view so we couldn't see any incoming cars and then I thought it was safe to cross.So we cross the road when suddenly we looked right and there was a car coming so we quickly cycled to the other side then..

Ahmad-Sii lister!
Alister-Sorry ehehe xD

So that was my first mistake

After we crossed the first road we had to cycle past a school when I almost hit a kid.But I swear it was the kid's fault! He was like playing a fool that he wont get hit then I almost hit him he was like...
Him-OI!
Alister-Siapa suruuuh?

And Ahmad looked at me and said "Sii lister"
So that was my second mistake sort off.

After we reach Hua Ho we went to the sports department and we tested some of the balls out then I accidentally kick the ball too hard.I mean gosh it wasn't my fault the ball was soo light and it certainly ain't my fault that I'm soo strong right?

And as usual Ahmad looks at me and said "Sii Lister"
So that was my third mistake..

My fourth mistake came when we were leaving Hua ho when I didn't get a good grip of my bicycle and I ALMOST hit a customer,obviously I said sorry and he just laugh and said "Its okey"
Then Ahmad turned to me and said "Sii lister"

And my final mistake came when we were cycling back home using the same route when suddenly we saw a dog,a dog which few months ago chased me and Ahmad so not taking a risk we decided to take a detour haha.But before we change route I shouted "KUYUP" then another dog when to the first dog and Ahmad said to me "Sii lister" haha

WAIT there's one more mistake that I did haha.After changing routes we had to wait for some cars to cross the bridge as it was quite small but without any notice I just break and almost hit a car and Ahmad almost hit my back tire,NOW this certainly ain't my fault who asked Ahmad to kept his eye off the road?
But like that matter he looked at me and said "Sii lister"

So overall i think 6 events were my fault today haha but you cant disagree what a fun day we had.It might not seem like fun but If you were me or Ahmad you would had enjoy it...I think haha will post about how my Friday went till then.

Syiqah-I love you =)

2008-10-08T21:27:00.004+08:00

Singing Time In School

Woke up at 5.39am because Syiqah <3 miss called me but I don't mind haha.BUT only she can miss call me at anytime so jangan macam macam miss call me.She miss called me so I thought she wanted to chat with me but when I went online she wasn't nevertheless I took a shower,change my clothes while waiting for her, like I said I don't mind.

After I brush my teeth and stuff I sign in to MSN via my computer and still she wasn't online so I ate breakfast and went to school with my mobile.Yes I bring my mobile to school, miss Syiqah bah need to message her every now and then haha.

Keep in mind that I messaged Syiqah throughout the school day so I wont be mentioning it again.Anyway today started with science all the way sampai breaktime...Sial kali haha.We answered 2001 past year paper and I remember that yesterday while I was on the phone with Syiqah she asked me all those questions and I finish the question paper in around 15 minutes plus talking with Wapii and Ikhwan. See I learn better if Syiqah teach me, maybe she should be my teacher haha. Sorry I keep mentioning Syiqah love her soo much bah deal with it haha.During break I bought a burger because inda tahan lapar haha.During assembly while teacher was giving us advice in a fuck up way me and ahmad..

Alister-Matt
Ahmad-Yess?
Alister-I have some advice for him
Ahmad-what?
Alister-He should keep quiet if he don't know how to speak properly

Then suddenly the teacher kept quiet and we went back to the class

Ahmad-I think he took your advice!
Alister-What can I say? haha
Ahmad-Pro kali ah

After break we had English it was funnn xD. Teacher gave us some important points to remember during the exams but we got bored even she got bored so...
Alister-Lets sing!
Teacher Kasturi-Lets sing?Okey la everybody stand up
Alister-...REALLY..OH YEA HURRY UP PEOPLE!!

Then we started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,Row Row the boat,London Bridge Is Falling Down and The spider song thingy haha.Stress reliever kali ah haha.Teacher also pick me to read a very very long passage because no one could read as clearly and loud as me haha I feel proud well sort of haha.

At Home

Syiqah ask me to call her at 1.30 so while waiting I watch the X-games and ate lunch.When I called at 1.30 she didn't answer the phone so I thought she haven't finish school yet so I called at 2 but she didn't answer so I got a bit worried because entah worried she's angry or something happen to her but in the end I was being paranoid.See that's how much I love her =).We were suppose to talk untill 2.15 but then me mom told me I don't need to go to tuition so I could speak to her longer =).We stopped talking at 4 so I can play with Ahmad,see she's soo understanding (:
Really love to talk to her if calling was free gila I don't think we will ever stop haha.

After me and Ahmad played game we went to buy Ice cream(SORRY SYIQAH) then we went home to get ready for tuition.Amazingly nowadays I know how to do maths on my own what a miracle since exam is near.

The End

Overall my day has been taken over by Syiqah just cant stop thinking about her.Everything feels soo right and everything is great.Lazy to post up really in details just pray tomorrow I won't be lazy haha.Oh by the way I have a new name.."CINA","CHINATOWN","Aliruddin" haha thanks to Raffie and Ahmad.

To Syiqah-....LOVE YOU =)

2008-10-06T21:13:00.004+08:00

Best Day Of My Life..Soo Far

3rd October 2008- Before we went to get our lunch,they had a small prayer.The fuck up part bit is that while everyone was praying I just sit down there like a jackass and everyone was looking at me.It was pretty scary because everyone thought that I was Malay and thinking that I wasn't praying they probably thought I was dissing the prayers but luckily after they end the prayer Ahmad and me manage to confirm to them that I am a Chinese =D.

Nothing much happen while we were eating except for introducing me to some of his cousins.It was around 12.45 when I notice that it was Friday which means the Malays have to go for their weekly prayers at the mosque or surau so I was wondering great now who am I going to talk to because I don't know anyone from Ahmad's father side of the family so I guess I was pretty scared.But before Ahmad left he introduce me to one of his cousin which was a girl so it made me skeptical but what the heck nothing to lose right?But heck was I lucky to made her I mean we have almost everything in common and I just love being around her and plus she doesn't care how I look,how tall I am,whether I wear specs or not that kind of girls are BLOODY hard to find!

Anyway I dont want to show off so I'm gonna cut it short..I LOVE HER =D

My Multi-Purpose Name
ALISTER,nice and simple...I think anyway while I was in Temburong dressed in traditional Malay clothes might as well change my name to right? haha. Anyway these are some uses of my multi-purpose name.

Pet name-Hamster
Medical name-Plaster
Girl name-Alice(Alis)
Malay name-Ali

See my name is multi-purpose if you come out with anything else do tell me.Well I'm tired of typing and I'm really missing her so yeah I'll end here..See you me homies..

2008-10-06T14:05:00.002+08:00

Been a looooonng time since I posted anything,oh well Fucking Bored + Malas to study now= To Blog shit stuffs =)

Well at least I'm doing something riiight? Syukurtah I'm doing something. 3/4 days ago went to Temburong,yes me malas to count exactly how long ago so deal with it, went with Ahmad. He came around 7.30 in the morning to help me wear my Baju Melayu then we left to the port around 8.15 then we took a water taxi to temburong which takes us about 45 minutes.To make the time pass as usual me and Ahmad talk about stupid stuffs and started to sing High school musical songs for no reason haha.When we arrive I got the biggest shock of that day..

*Both of us stand up and i open the window next to me.
Ahmad-Just wait forawhile banyak orang
Alister-Alright buka window eh panas ku
*while opening the window someone stepped on my hand
Alister-FUCKING SHIT,THERE WAS PEOPLE ON THE ROOF?
Ahmad-I GUESS SO!!
Alister-WHO THE FUCK SITS ON TOP OF THE BOAT!!???

Then we both ran out while I gave the middle finger to the guy who stepped on me hand.Malas to write in details so imagine saja tah.Im really lazy right now so im gonna skip to the visiting house part xD

When we arrive at the house,everyone look at me like they never seen a Chinese before,I just ignore malas ku layan then Ahmad weirdly said that he'll show me how to eat like a properly in Temburong.We got our plate and spoon and fork then we proceed to get the food,I just followed him from the back then...

Ahmad-This is the satay sauce,so im gonna put it on my plate
Alister- Are you suree?
Ahmad- Of course
Alister- Riight..
Ahmad- Soo where's the satay
Alister- WE'RE SUPPOSE TO START FROM THERE!!!
Ahmad- SHIT *laugh crazily

The food was arrange from left to right but Ahmad started from left to right and...
Alister -Wont follow you next time like you dont know to eat tepulang
Ahmad- Maluku eh..
Alister- You should be haha

Then we find a sit and eat..Post later really malas xD

2008-05-01T19:44:00.002+08:00

Samba!!

Sorry for lack of updates school been crazy giving homework like nobody business.Greatest news is during my lack of updates Manchester United beat Barcelona to reach the Final of the Champions League so Rijkaard,Xavi or any other players and coaches stop being a sore loser and accept that its going to be Manchester United Vs Chelsea in the final.Be patient there's always next season.Look at me I need to wait 9 fucking years for us to reach the finals!

Amazingly just now i manage to study 2 pages of peribahasa in less than 30 minutes wow!Funny day today me and Ahmad versus each other in FIFA 08 Blackburn Vs Tottemham,i was 3-1 up when i Decided to put Samba(DF) and Friedel(GK) as my strikers and Santa Cruz as my goalkeeper which by the way kept a cleansheet!Why i put samba as a striker well it was 75minute and by then i was 5-2 up and earlier in the game I frustrated Ahmad because Samba cleared all his attempt on goal and he is BIG seriously!And everytime I clear the ball using Samba I shout 'SAMMMMBAAAA" that was really funny.

Anyway will update soon need to poo now till then

2008-04-27T11:34:00.002+08:00

Anger

No matter how I try I just cant control my temper.Its just that life's soo fuck up and soo bloody unfair.It always seem that god is against me and even if i count my blessings there just isn't much compare to all the undeserving punishment I'm receiving.I'm mentally and physically fatigue and emotionally hurt.And seriously I'm starting to hate everyone because they don't deserve what they have now unlike me I work my ass off and I SHOULD be given more!Don't anyone dare to say your good deeds are kept in heaven if I don't receive help from heaven now they'll be seeing me very soon!

My thigh and hamstring have given me problem time and time again maybe I'm gonna take it easy with sports for at least one month maybe I'll concentrate on basketball and cycling just to keep my fitness level up.As for my anger and patient I guess when things happen its up to me to stay calm.Soo far I found a way to stop me from doing anything I might regret which is sleep!I mean I cant do anything wrong when I'm sleeping right?Well the other methods I found to release heat is wrong so yea like punching the wall,vandalizing,hurting people and etc so I think I'm just going to stick with sleeping untill I found something else.

Life how I dread it more each fucking day goes by.I've been thinking and maybe life just isn't for everyone especially me! I mean people like me just get bullshitted and betrayed and we don't get rewarded very pleasantly SERIOUSLY.I mean when I have a problem who the fuck do I turn to?I mean each friend you go to for certain purposes I have friends but none comes under the "Listen to Alister problems Or And Comfort Him Department".I mean I'm Hanging On For Hope and the pain is enough to choke the life out and its the only thing worth living for.

----------------
Now playing: The New Amsterdams - Hanging On For Hope
via FoxyTunes

2008-04-25T21:43:00.002+08:00

Chicken

Ignore the tittle cause this post has nothing to do with chickens,I just ate chicken so decided to put chicken xD

Friday class was tiring as usual because Friday is sleeping day not studying day!And i slept for at least 5 hours altogether the whole damn week.blah blah blah let me skip the to the afternoon xD lazy to type right now.Afternoon was called to play for UFC due to lack of players and i can understand why it was raining really heavy..We won on penalties though i had to be substituted due to fatigue and injury.

Aiya Ill give a better post on sunday as tmrw i have to stayback and tmrw night is Chelsea Vs Manchester united,TITLE DECIDER

2008-04-25T13:28:00.002+08:00

Same Same But Different

Since my last January post my life is different but with similar problems and as usual I cant solve it.Its funny how you can help and make other people with their problems but you cant help and solve your own even if you know how to solve the problem.I guess people need moral support and sadly I don't have anyone I can talk to right now.But hey I ~~was~~ am a miracle boy.

I just don't see the point of holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held by you so I don't force anyone to care or be there for/about me.For me if I care/love someone I rather see them happy even if its without me,to hell with me I don't care about my happiness,I prefer seeing the ones I love happy.I can die a sad man I don't mind.Its tough though I mean everybody is happy but me but who am I to complain,I'll just be watching with my packet of painkiller.

Will post later lost my mood...

----------------
Now playing: Good Charlotte - Hold On
via FoxyTunes

2008-04-24T18:51:00.002+08:00

I'm Back =D

Sorry don't post long time,things keep popping out and I just had to sort my problems and my life up.Well it ain't completely fix but you cant fix problems in one day.Anyway since alot of people are freaking out about the PMB exam and some just exam I'll give you my tips on how i study for each subject since everybody is questioning how i maintain my marks.

English and Malay
Basically there isn't any tricks I can tell you because it is a language so the only way is to put ALOT of effort by reading&speaking the language itself.Build up your vocabulary cause the more words you know the easier it will be.Oh please don't simply use a word for the sake of it xD

Geography,Computer and History
These three subjects needs alot of time and patience as you need to memorize and understand the topic.Out of these three subjects I find geography and computer easier as its just common sense and abit of memorizing while for history you need to remember names,dates and places.When studying these subjects well just focus on it don't do other things while studying these two subjects.Oh I suggest having panadol just incase =]

Science and Maths
These two subjects also needs time and patience.Both requires some memorizing as well as practicing.Science you basically need to know the formulas and memorize the terms and formulas.Maths is maths,if you cant solve it dont bother trying but instead ask help from teacher seriously because maths question can be different even if it is from the same topic.

Commerce
I'm pretty useless in this subject xD but all you have to do is memorize the terms,advantages,disadvantages and characteristics .For accounting you just need to practice so there isn't much to it.

ALL needs to patience so don't give!Take breaks while studying and well don't be lazy like me =D.Anyway will update with my life later on.Till then

2008-01-09T14:28:00.001+08:00

Fucking Day xD

Today I thought it would be boring but it didn't turn out to be.Commerce,teacher was asking us how old we think he is,people answer here and there but then I shouted 6!Everybody laugh like shit and someone snort and then we laugh even harder then T.Rajesh ended the lesson for the day xD Wow cause of me we ended commerce early haha.Maths nothing much happen except we all keep answering random answers and teacher got fed up kwang kwang not our fault she didn't teach properly!

will complete this post some other time.Something came up

2008-01-08T21:26:00.000+08:00

Great Depression

Cycling was okey just now but more cars compared to yesterday.I started at 2.30 and finish around 4.45 including rest and water break.While cycling I was chatting on the phone so i was cycling without hands( YES I know how to cycle without hands) and chatting the funny thing is when a car was coming it just go to the other side of the road so we wont collide and they didn't even horn..xD and I think one of them waved at me xD

While landing at Alister National Landport(my house) I saw this lightning and sound and hell yeah I was scared as shit I mean Bicycle-Metal
Mobile on hand-Metal
Key chain-Metal
I wonder whats my fucking odds of living if I got struck xD.On the way back I saw this cute dog with the owner I passed by it but it followed me haha so I had to stop and wait for the owner to catch up,the dog was not tied.

The only thing seem to be going right is my cycling weird.School its okey so far except for tomorrow its one boring day my timetable tmrw:
Commerce
Commerce
Commerce
Maths
Maths
Break
History
History
Geography
Geography
Seriously boring,its coming to ten and I still need to do some revision on geo.I'm single so i don't really have a love life.I love someone?Have not ask myself that in ages.Miss someone?Yes i do,relating to the angel and the devil fighting I still don't know what to do.Should I break the deadlock and talk to her tomorrow?But if I do wont I seem weird going up to her while she's with her friends and say hi?Lets just see how things turn out if I have the bloody guts to do so.

YES I'm still very sad its like the "Great Depression" only worse.Its mental abuse to my mind,physical abuse to my body and emotional abuse to my soul and the worse part is no one is really to be blame.I need her right now but things change and so do people.Bestfriends?I don't think we are even qualified to be calling ourself friends.If neither of us don't make the first move it'll be the last chapter between me and her.But you can bet on it if this stays and longer my cousin from KB and Jess will sure force me to make the first move and hey I'm having thoughts of making the first move tomorrow without being pressured.

Anyway I need to do a really small revision so will update after tuition tomorrow hopefully.

2008-01-08T14:02:00.000+08:00

Straitjacket

Wooh crazy day crazy day.Didnt post yesterday due to unforeseen internet connection problem.First subject was Science for 1 and half hour boy oh boy was it damn ass exhausting and boring!Teacher gave us some work to do and most of us don't know the answer to the point where me,wafi and ikhwan went crazy especially me and wafi xD.I told Wafi i needed a straitjacket and he agreed with me xD

I cant post something that happen in class with me and wafi due to well i just want to respect the girls =D.After science was malay and as usual it was damn right funny and fun.After break nothing much happen except for one stupid rule made again I mean what'd you expect its PDS alot of rules that doesn't make sense.The new rule during PE boys must tuck in their shirts...YEA RYTE like that rule is gonna stand gonna complain to mom to complain to the principal and trust me the principle is gonna get one hell of a shout from my mom "AGAIN"...Again?Yeap it isnt the first time my mom bomb the principle she even told him he doesnt have any brain and doesnt have the quality to be a principle ,oh while she was saying that I was laughing like shit xD I think he hates me xD

Tomorrow I think i got a football match,I should be fine since i did some cycling for nearly 2 hours.Kilanas,sengkurong,sungai tampoi and some parts of benkurong,eh not bad for a kid whose been suffering with leg injuries over and over again.

Back to life its been better than before though Ells dont give a fuck about me no more,ambung dan menyamal ia suda.As for "her" my cousin from KB said i should break the ice and talk to her in school..YEA like thats gonna happen.I mean why should i walk up to her when she's with her friends smiling&laughing?I don't ruin people happiness unlike everybody else,they LOVE ruining my happiness.The devil and the angel keep on debating on my shoulder whether I should or shouldn't.Or maybe she just forgotten me..OH WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME..i think..

Anyhoos I cant wait to cycle in an hour so I'll post again later on if the internet is working.

2008-01-07T14:23:00.000+08:00

Grass Is Blue

Another school day has past and I'm damn exhausted.Malay was quite fun and funny,english was okey but MIB was like shitty boring.Never been under this teacher before she spoke malay non stop I understood but there was some words that even my malay friends didnt understand xD.She started explaining something about royal language and me and my friends were "even the sultan don't expect us to use this language nobody knows" xD

The highlight so far have to be History.Its the 3rd year in a row that Teacher Irish has been teaching me she's alright.She explained the world war one and ask us to draw a map.Me,wafi,Ikhwan continued to bully "si baie" non stop teacher ask us to keep quiet numerous time but like we have damn haha.I pass up my work along with wafi then teacher told me I was missing Montenegro...

T.Irish:Alister your missing Montenegro and you miss shading Bulgaria as a independent country.
Alister:Oh
T.Irish-Look just give space for Montenegro here and shade this part
Alister:ok

And suddenly she said the most oddest thing

T.Irish:The blue colour is water (0.o")
Alister:*walking back to seat...No its grass!
Class:Laugh
T.Irish:Who said grass?
Class:ALISTER!
T.Irish:Grass is blue!?
Alister:*whispers in my house
Class:Laugh

Wooot that was funny after that she gave us free time,while she was walking she ask me "Alister your permanent sit is with wafi? I replied "yeap".Then she sighed and walkaway xD. Earlier in the day Ahmad got scolded by T.kho for no apparent reason,he was scolded cause my class teacher ask him to get something but he didnt know where so he asked t.Kho but was scolded.Then T.Husaini ask "why soo long?"....

Ahmad:Cikgu Kho marah tadi(Teacher kho scolded me)
T.Husaini:Napa?(why?)
Ahamad:Ku tanya di mana folder(i just asked where's the folder)
T.Husaini:Class if any teacher scold you for no reason just tell me seriously but if they scold you for a reason better not come to me I'll double it
Class:Laughs
T.Husaini:But seriously if anything come to me,T.Kho eh whats the date?
Class:7
T.Husaini:T.kho scold n0 reason must be menses
Class:Laughs like shit

T.Kho is a man btw.

Anyhoos I'm tired,will tell you with the rest of school later around 6++ till then.

"Si baie"-Aisar our friend we just love to bully him

2008-01-06T20:49:00.000+08:00

Feeling My Time

These past few months I've seriously hit rock bottom,nothing interest me anymore.I've spend most of my day feeling sad and doing practically anything just to gain back that happiness I have not felt in ages.I'm doing anything I can possibly do to keep my mind off depression.

I don't cut nor take painkillers anymore and i can guaran-DAMN-tee thats its hard for me to go through each day without them. What happen to Ells you might ask?Guess she forgot about me and I guess you can say she erased every aspect of me in her life.Everybody's happy thats good to know,i think.The pursue of finding happiness continues.I miss the feeling of happiness,honestly I don't know what it feels like to be happy,its very sad actually to know that a person forget the feeling of happiness.

It wont be long till I'll do something stupid,I mean get real I'm a human being I crack under immense stress and depression and what do human beings do when under severe stress and depression?ANYTHING.I am severely deprive of my happiness.They say there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and I swear my tunnel of sadness doesn't compare to the Nile and the great wall of China plus together,I guess its a really damn long tunnel which means no light for a very long time.

I seriously miss knowing someone's there for me and ALWAYS feeling free.I like people to keep on pushing untill I tell them whats wrong its not that I love people to waste their time on me,it shows me that they really care enough to push like shit,I'm not a attention seeker i just need to be cared everytime and I need someone nearly most of the day,I'm vulnerable,I'm weak whatever you want to call me go ahead,its the way I am.Deal with it!

Tomorrow school,pretend to be happy again yay....I used to enjoy my school life thats its like shit,most of the people in it are shit!Either I'm speaking the truth or I seriously need anger management along with psychiatrist OR/AND a psychologist.I'm trying my utmost to keep everyone happy and maintain my grades but its hard to achieve that when I'm fighting a very large tide.It just feels like at any moment I could just snap and lose my mind.

I need a rest,Ill post sometime soon.

Highlights-Aston Villa 0-Manchester United 2
My bicycle got finally fix
I bought a new cutter

2008-01-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

6 Feet Under

Recently spent time with Jeffrey and soon after went to Sibu Via Tutong,Kuala Belait,Miri,Bintulu and finally reach Sibu.The trip lasted almost a day including petrol and food.It was great to be far far away from Brunei and all of the people I despise.

Anyhow that was a 3 weeks ago.School..I got a damn reputation with the teachers cause when we were introducing to teacher...

Teacher Kasturi-So tell us about yourself
Alister-I'm a boy
Teacher Kasturi-Yea we can see that anything beside the obvious?
Alister-I'm Alister,14 years old boy and I'm a Christian.
Teacher Kasturi-Your a Christian?
Alister-Well thats what I said isnt it?
Teacher Kasturi-Any disciplinary problem?
Alister-I make noise when the chance arises..
Teacher Kasturi-You make noise huh,what else?
Alister-I..
Teacher Kasturi-Your like your friend is it?
Alister-Yes we disturb teachers!
Teacher Kasturi-Thank you very much you better not disturb me!

WOOH xD Hopefully they dont ask me that during Orals xD..

Other classic moments:

Syaarah-My name is syaarah and im 14 years old.
Teacher Kasturi-What else?
Alister,Wafi,Ikhwan and Ahmad-K-C-D
Alister-Kiss...KCD...CLASS
Syaarah-Tampar ko karang
Alister-Love ya

will post ltr..

2007-11-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

still not in the mood try checking back a week from now after all todays is 23novermber ='(

2007-11-21T20:59:00.000+08:00

I HATE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE HATE THIS SOO BLOODY MUCH!

2007-11-21T13:36:00.000+08:00

not feeling too good wont be posting till i get better sorry..

2007-11-21T08:50:00.000+08:00

Wakie Wakie

Woke up at six for no reason,then reply my cousin's message,after that login into mig33 and check my friendster via my phone then go to sleep after that and woke up at 8.As usual couldn't sleep that well just have this worrying feeling don't know what it is though.

She sent me a message to my phone but it was only a chainmail =(..Well at least she still message me but still..I feel like telling her i love her again and i don't know why.Though i will not say it,i dont want to risk what we have now and trust me,me and her are very close in between bestfriend and nothing friends if you know what i mean.And i need her so i don't want to lose her,just hope she needs me to...Well nothing much to say right now since i just woke up will update in two hours time..till then

2007-11-20T19:43:00.000+08:00

No Idea What To Tittle This xD

Its funny how every we chat with each other I turn boring but when i chat with everyone else they all are having fun.Stupid me,I'm scared and I get nervous whenever she goes online or chats with me its just soo much pressure!I'm scared i might offend her,she might not find it funny,she might think I'm weird and you know that kind of stuff..

Still cant stop looking at her pictures,its like a drug,once I look at it I want some more.I'm not a freak with no life,I'm just a bastard whose madly in love with her.I get jealous when she hangs out with other people especially boys,I hate it when she's enjoying or laughing with others especially boys cause I cant do the same thing when I'm with her cause i ended up being scared and choke up under pressure.But the most stupidest thing is probably when i don't know where she's going,i don't know i mean if she's going to the mall i want to be there you know its crazy and I'm not a stalker!

I still remember the first time I saw her and got introduce well my stupid friend didn't introduce me the way I thought he would -.- she probably think I was some ass weirdo.Don't really remember how we got so close probably cause we stayed upstairs last year.I really miss her.I miss those time we spend with each other.Wonder if she still got that ring i gave her,she probably threw it away.I wonder what she thought when i gave it to her,i wonder if well alot of questions are left unanswered sighs...

I'm going to watch TV,will update for the last time for the day in an hour time..

2007-11-20T14:01:00.000+08:00

Damn..

She messaged me a few minutes ago but only went on for 3 messages sighs..I probably bored her out..Soo depress now..Wish I could be whatever she wants.Miss her soo much.Everything somehow reminds me of her..I just don't think i can continue to lie to her that I'm ok but i must must not burden her, she deserves to be happy..

Since last year I've occasionally dream of her and in my dream we were meant always meant for each other.Damn my mind screwed up thinking that we should and must be together.To start with my I'm boring and ugly.While she's pretty,smart you get the rest.As each day goes by my love for her grows and grows,there's no limit on how much I love her.Its not easy being me,but everytime i look at her or her picture,its amazing looking at her or her picture gives me the strength to carry on.

I swear even TV is torturing me,almost every channel has something that sounds like her name such as dennise,dennis,dan and etc you get the point even if someone says nice,my heart feels like its been stab by a million knives.Everything that's good in my life I owe it all to her.At times things pop into my head that I want to do with her some are silly and funny haha but when you have someone soo special in your life you will be wanting to do stuffs with her no matter how stupid it is..Some are like watch a movie together(thanks to val for putting that in my mind xD),watching the sunset,walking together,holding hands really cant say more cause its really hurting cause knowing that it'll be a low change that me and her are ever going to do anything together..=(

Whatever she wants to do with me,I'll be glad to do,as long as she wants it .If only she's reading this..If she did,I'll be feeling stupid and embarrass,I love her soo much..Will continue at night..

2007-11-20T12:20:00.000+08:00

Still....

Still missing her like hell.Cant get her of my mind.The more I think about her,the more i think that I'm not worthy for her..Keep looking at myself and all I see is an ugly guy... But i really want her with me but i want what's best for her,just want her to be happy even if it have to be without me..

I can't stop looking at her pictures,she's just soo you know..God,I sound stupid and desperate right now.Keep looking at my inbox and my phone just to see if miraculously she sent me a personal message,but like they'll happen.I just want to know what she really thinks of me but I'm scared cause I know its going to hurt soo badly considering I'm ugly,stupid,short,funny looking and if it comes out from her,I don't think my heart can take it but yet I just want the truth.Been thinking about it everyday but I will never know cause I'm not her.

I wonder what she's doing now,probably smiling and enjoying her life if soo that's good after all I want her to be happy.Really don't know what to do,all I want to know is how she feel but I dont know why..sighs..

Anyway I'll continue after i eat lunch about 45 minutes from now.

2007-11-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

Another Day Another Shit Time

Just bath and everything,last thing that went through my mind was her,the first thing that came through my mind when i woke up was her.Was damn difficult to sleep yesterday keep tossing and turning, I just cant stop thinking about her, I guess that gives you an idea on how much I love her but still words cannot describe how much I love her.

Each time I think keep wondering why am I still loving her? I mean she probably like someone else and plus I'm ugly,boring,short,stupid and what are the odds of her loving me probably uncountable. Just feel like an idiot that I love her but she don't. You'll feel like idiot to if you were in my shoes. I'm losing my appetite and I lost my interest in doing anything,just don't have the mood.Keep checking my MSN if she's online,like that'll matter I'm bloody offline, unless she sends me an email which i don't think she will, she have better things to do then waste it on me.

Been checking my phone alot just wishing she would message for whatever reason,but why waste her credit messaging me.It really feels so damn lonely nowadays.Holidays are coming up and honestly I don't want to spend them alone but it looks like I am.Probably go the mall alone again,and Val NO I wont ask her to go out with me xD. Still reading those emails she sent me in the past and looking at her pics, she'll probably ask me to back of if she knew i was looking at her pics,maybe i should just back off..I don't know,whatever she wants I'll do even if she wants me to back off.Stupid tears falling down..Update around 12 later..

Lonely Night As Usual

2007-11-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

well its 9.19 at night around half an hour till House is on TV.Still lonely have not went online,i mean whats the point no one will notice whether I'm on or not.Plus I'm boring why would anyone want to click and chat with me.Everyone just chat with me when they need something never to check up on me.

For the past few hours been reading some emails from her and yeah really hurts dating back since last year.Always felt like I had a chance everytime we chat,talk or anything for that matter but I was a damn ass fool to think of that.Its coming to two years and nothing have change about the way I feel its kind of amazing come to think of it.Every little details that change from last year really does hurt like shit.I ain't a pusher so I'll just lay back,shut up and hope a miracle will come don't want to be jackass and keep on telling her "i love you" once is enough i guess,but if she wants,I'll never get tired of saying "I love you",just ask and it'll be done.Doubt she'll visit here since its been like months since i update it.So what I got to lose.

Oh yea to val:Yes ill do anything to go with her,whatever she ask I'll do.Sorry yeah don't want to go online you know my mobile number right?Or just sent me an email ill reply.If you want me to reply fast just miss call my mob,applies to anyone whose reading this I guess.And heck no i ain't asking her to go out with me xD I'm passing my dare xD

Tomorrow another day,doing the usuals I guess,crying,missing her,loving her,thinking and yea you get the point.Probably I'll start writing poems again nothing better else to do.But whatever I do,she'll pop into my head.I know I ain't no prince charming or a handsome guy or a rich guy or tall or whatever,but i have a good heart you know.I'm willing to change whatever people don't like about me,sensible or course.Its me,I live to make people happy those who deserve to be, cause they deserve to be like I said,they earn it,they have been through pain so as a reward they should be happy.As for me I don't know,I guess some people just wasn't meant to be happy or just me I guess.

Will post when I wake up tomorrow,noon time,around 2 or 3 and around the same time as now.Damn I really need some comforting..Till then..

A God damn Year

2007-11-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

Since i got no one to talk to and nothing to do I'm going to post at this useless blog where no one gives an fuck about my life!

I still hate my life very much indeed.Nothing is right in my life! I never get what i want no matter how much i deserve it damn.Don't want to go online anymore(like ANYONE cares) the only way you can reach me is by sms which no one will bother doing.

One more thing is all it takes to break me down completely,oh WAIT something did happen to me a couple of days ago.Sighs cant something I want come or happen.Times move to fast for me to cope with.Everywhere i go i see people laughing,smiling,having a good time and i wonder why cant i have that? Instead I'm holding back my feelings,keeping my mouth shut and silently crying.No one will ever know what is kept deep in me or maybe they do they just don't care or chose to ignore.Cant blame them though who would give a crap about what i want or need.

All i need is someone there and always.If your wondering about my gf well i don't want to burden her so yeah need someone else but i don't know don't want to burden anyone actually i love people too much to care about myself.I guess i just want other people to be happy to and if sacrificing my happiness will make them happy so be it. Besides someone is very indeed happy though it hurts cause i ain't in the happiness its alright the smile is all i need to see and to know what I'm sacrificing is not in vain.

Will be posting more than once in a day since i don't have anything to do.Guess next post I'll be talking shit about what i feel like doing.Till then

2007-10-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

Untitled

You never asked about me
I just dont know what to believe
Do you really care even when I'm gone?
Or just pretend to be when I'm at sight

I saw you with your friends
And the boy who took my place
You seem so much happier with them
How can I ever compare to them
I'm just another one of those friends

And I cant help but feel abit jeolous
Because to me, this was not the way it's suppose to be
There's soo many things that should have been with me
Why was I stupid enough to believe
That you'll ever feel the same way I feel about you

But its just one of those other days
When I know its suppose to be next to you
So tell me when happen next?
Its out of my hand
I don't know what to believe
Why don't you tell me what to believe

If you really have to know
I'm not doing any good
It hurts much more than i though it would
Cause I just cant handle it
I cant fake it anymore
It doesn't matter that i love you right?

Just ignore the part
Where I have feelings for you
I'm just a glass wearing nerd
Short in size nothing compare to all your other friends
You'll never love me back
You have no reason to

I dont know what to do with the love I have for you
I guess I'll just keep on loving you
And hopefully one day
You'll find something special about me
Though there isn't
I dont want to stop hoping
Cause its really hurting to know
You'll never love me..

2007-10-02T19:01:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what to tittle this as so yeah,just been crying for days and just needed a place to release all my feelings i guess..

Watched and recapped House MD and it made me realize somethings..

She practically left which is good cause im just holding her back from alot of positive stuffs so yeah..Though im alone at least she's happy,ill make it thru somehow..

House MD made me realize she was proabably there because
* she needed someone lower than her to make her feel better about herself in this case me
* She pitied me

Come on,she's very pretty and smart,she's thrice as smart than me,Im damaged im a retarted guy.What do you expect?that she'll be there for me untill i die.How much would i love that but whats the odd of a damn pretty girl staying with me at all cost?Probably impossible.

Im not surprise though as my motto goes "Everybody leaves and everybody lies"

2007-09-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO MY LOVE IS JUNK,STUPID.IM UGLY STUPID SHORT FUNNY LOOKING NOTHING HAHA..IM HAPPY!!NOW ITS ME ~~HER~~ AND MY MEDICATION!!

2007-09-23T16:57:00.000+08:00

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!

I still love her more than ever ='(..But why?I'll never be her soo called prince charming..or whatever..What am i suppose to do..?..I'm just her frigging bestfriend nothing more and nothing less..Sighs...='(...Just cant concentrate at all..Im stupid to even hope that she feels the same way...She has done nothing wrong btw so yeah..I dont know what else to do..All i know is a fucking love her...='(

2007-09-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

Really have nothing much to say,the usuals, im still effin sad and severely depress.Everyday I look at that packet of painkillers wanting to eat it,I need them badly they helped me once last year and they can help me again now.Not in the mood for this past few weeks.With school coming up in a few days shit can only happens.With all the stupid teachers in my school there bound to make me pissed or make my life even more miserable.

Leave Me

Where do I begin?
The part when you would be there?
Or the part when you left?
Why bother going back
When in the end you'll just leave anyway

The signs are there
The way I chat
Can you see?
All want is some attention from you
The ways are stupid no doubt
But its the only way
I'll get the attention from you

As the days go by
It wont be long untill I'm on my way
And I'll just be some guy you just met
I just want to apologize for the things I've done

I'm just wishing we could go back
Back to when it was just you and me
I just cant sleep at night
When your not there

I'm sorry that you were in grief
When I was once a drug addict
If we never become one again
Then i should be ashame and
You can put the blame on me

We were once best of friend
Then I confess I love you
You didn't feel the same way
We parted for awhile
Then argued everyday
This is how I disappear

I'm ghost to you
So I cant hurt you anymore
Thats good right?
But I'll be remembering you
Whenever I see anything that don't or makes me remember you
To make it simple I think about you
Even when I'm not suppose to

Looking at your photos
Doesn't mean a single thing
If your not there in person in my life
But this is all I got to remember you
So with the memories in my mind
The experience I've had with you
I guess I'll be leaving your life

And the hardest part of it all
Is waiting
Waiting and hoping one day
We will be able to chat,talk and be one
Without any problem
If I waited for nothing
Dont worry
Life's one big box of chocolates,you'll never know what you might get

2007-09-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

Hey,still not in the mood..sighs,its getting harder and harder to go pass the day.Been wanting to drink coffee but i made a promise to to my bestfriend not too..I know i made that promise at least a year ago but i do keep my promises,I dont blame her if she drink's and break the promise.

Been craving to eat painkillers but again i promise her..Its soo stupid I'm keeping all these promises but i dont know..Cutting myself well obviously that wwas one of the promises i made so yeah.What to do im deeply depress,been crying and with no one to turn to..I should be getting use to this cause i dont deserve a good life and this is aint my girst time anyway been having 4 years of bad luck straight.

Tomorrow going to the hospital,hope i get to stay there for any reason! I NEED HELP BADLY!!!For all i care poke a million injections into my ass yet it doesnt compare to all the effin pain im going through at this very moment.Well the England Vs Russia match is in a few hours gonna get ready.

Will try to post a poem or whatever tomorrow till then...

2007-09-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

Hey,seriously not in the mood yesterday a lot of bad news just came in and I'm just not in the mood and on the verge of crying.Anybody whose reading this please help me,i cant take it any longer.I don't have my best friend to go to you can say she's pissed with me or worse.

Broken

You know I cant erase all the things you've said
It hurts deep down
Every time I see your name
My eyes covered up in tears

I guess the final page has finally arrive
I wont be part of your life again
Here comes alone again

Cause everything's broken
Everything is messed up
All the time i tried to fix this is all wasted again
Cause promises were broken
Every moment was wasted
And I just dont see how its possible
Anymore..

So we leave each other
Leaving behind all of our best time
You finally said you wanted to leave
Say that we never really were bestie's

Cause everything's broken
Everything is messed up
All the time i tried to fix this is all wasted again
Cause promises were broken
Every moment was wasted
And I just dont see how its possible
Anymore..

So i say hello to alone again
I hope someday you'll find
Something to smile about
when you think about me
About us
I know time is up
I just cant leave you behind

Cause everything's broken
Everything is messed up
All the time i tried to fix this is all wasted again
Cause promises were broken
Every momentwas wasted
And I just dont see how its possible
Anymore..

2007-09-10T12:56:00.000+08:00

Hey,i know its been ages since i last post,HOPEFULLY I'll continue posting regularly.Anyway I'm gonna update the entire site i think.Here's a quick update of my life,well not really quick.I'm mentally and physically depress and I just got a feeling something bad is going to happen soon..Damn..Anyway yeah here's a thingy that i wrote.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry
And i know it always comes out wrong
There's a part of me that still loves you
Even though your moving on

Always wanted you and me to be
But in reality me and you doesn't seem to be
Still figuring out what happened
yesterday we were best of friends
Today we act like we don't even know each other

The clock is ticking even at this very moment
So why not we try to make the best out of it?
And let's try to make it happen
Though i can put back all the pieces
It just doesn't fit anymore

Well i know Ive change a lot
And mostly your not proud of me
I don't feel like going through the day
Knowing its just going to be the same
Some point of the day we'll end up being in a fight
And i cant say that i blame you
But you cant blame me

There's an empty feeling
When i reach school
It just ain't the same no more without you

Say it to face
Look me in the eyes
Tell me all the things that you've been holding inside
I have a vacant spot for a best friend
I hope you'll register
Cause i ain't taking no one besides you

If your happier without me
Go ahead without me
I don't want to be your biggest mistake
I don't want to stop you from your destiny

All the time I've spent alone
Wont comfort me
I just hope I'll make it through..

i aint okey

2007-08-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

Hey...
Just thought off posting..like anyone cares...Im freaking depress now...cut myself every now and then yet it aint helping..Im fucking tired of acting like im happy in school cause im not its shit...Everyone doesnt give a fuck,no one's there!!!

I lost everyone..well soon i guess..It really hurts..And i cant just keep coming back to my mummy(not my real)..she'll get fed up..everyone is with me...ill just continue cutting and whatever la..Life's shit..i cant take it anymore..very close to dying and stuffs..sighs..

2007-06-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

Picking the Right Group of Friends

There are many types of group of friends around you. And trust me picking the right group or friends can have advantages in your life. On the other hand picking the wrong group will get into trouble, drugs and others.

2 Main Group of friends

Friends who will be there for you no matter what
Friends who will be there for you as long as you have something

Good Friends (Friends who will be there for you no matter what)-

Help you when your down
Got your back no matter the situation
Help on your studies (trust me it can be a big help)

I don’t have to say anymore picking good friends is such a big advantage in your life. Picking smart, independent, trustworthy, loyal, good manners. I’m not saying that your friends are dumb cause I believe no one is dumb they just need extra help or just being lazy. Not all smart people are boring if u gave them a chance who knows you could find him/her better than those “cool” guys.

Nerds- how many times have you heard those cool guys calling someone a nerd geek or whatsoever. Listen up NO ONE is a nerd or geek. Who cares if they wear funny clothes or wear specs there being unique.

Trust me I’m getting sick of the cool and handsome guys getting all the girls or the popular and pretty girls being able to pick any boy they want. But hey that is not true love cause girls just want cool, rich, popular and vise versa. Now I aren’t saying that all girls/boys are like that so don’t take it the wrong way. And no one is ugly alright.

There’s many things I can say about picking good friends but I think you get the picture on how picking those type of friends (good, smart etc) can affect your live.

Bad Friends (Friends who will be there as long as you got something)-

Leads you to drugs
Wont be there when you have problems
Will pressure you
Will get you into trouble

Well they might not lead you to what I have stated but sooner or later they will or similar things. When you have problems such as family, financial and so on they wont be there for you they might give you drugs or so but that is NOT help. This does not effect only your present but it also effects your future. You think anyone wants to hire a person with a bad reputation and I’m talking about that high salary job trust me no one wants to hire anyone with a bad reputation but instead they will hire people with good and high education.

Which kind of group of friends you want to pick? Well the choice is yours and yours alone. Having even one friend is better than nothing. Remember if you cant find the right group of friends sometimes having no friends is better than going with the wrong group of friends.

Well in my next advice I’ll be dealing with bullies if you have any questions or need advice please just email or chat with me through my email alistertieng@hotmail.com

I’ll be online everyday till then take care.

2007-06-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

Help 101

After a rejection you still keep close to that person you rejected or you cant stand your friend getting hurt after the rejection but they still love you but ever wonder why some people act rude,violent or even show anger to people they love??I'll tell you why

1.They think that their not good enough for them
2.They think that the people they love are wasting their time on them
3.The feelings that will never go away after a rejection
4.Their broken
5.They cant face reality
6.Their severely hurt

Friends->best friends->Couple
Well thats usually the most safest and highest chance that a girl or boy will say yes

Well this is my own experiance:

It'll be good if i can still be bestfriend with her but,I cant look at her without being hurt and trust me its not cause of her,its not her fault she reject me as she have her rights to reject but it hurts to know that i'll never be more than her bestfriend and that makes me feel that there is that guy who will be her one and give what i cant and be what i cant.

Well obviously I'll be sad but why am i broken?Why cant I find another girl?why cant i move on?Well i wont answer all of that but I'll say there's no other girl that makes my heart skips a beat.So i now im severely depress,i dont enjoy much things,i take painkillers,antidepressants but all comes to vain.

People are diffrent we all can agree with that but we do share some similarities maybe not with your friends but there IS someone out there in your same situation if not there WAS someone in your situation.Anyway I'm sad,I dont enjoy what I use to enjoy,Im hot tempered nowadays and the list goes on.Im not perfect and i dont recover from rejections or break ups in a instance so give me a break and stop judging me or as matter of fact anyone who has the same situation as me!

You can say im emo no doubt about that but what to do?Yes,I'll admit I god damn love her sometimes we have to let time decide our fate thats what I'm doing.And yes i know I'm hurting her or so but i cant controll it..im just human..

Anyway in my next post ill try to post some advice on friends till then

2007-06-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Some Things Are Left Unsaid

Hey..I'm feeling much better..but i cant stop thinking about..yea..her..Maybe I should tell what is bothering me but maybe I'm disturbing her?Or maybe it will hurt her?I guess i should just keep it to myself as i rather get hurt then her getting hurt..I think she knows what is my problem well not all but she might get fed up..

Well here are some reasons why i think I'm going through severe depression..This is REAL symptoms provided by www.suicide.org a website dedicated to help people.The one's i * are currently the one's i have

Suicide Warning Signs:

Appearing depressed or sad most of the time.*
(Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)

Feeling hopeless.*
Expressing hopelessness.*
Withdrawing from family and friends.

Sleeping too much or too little.*

Feeling tired most of the time.*

Gaining or losing a significant amount of weight.*

Making statements such as these:
- "I can't go on any longer."
- "I hate this life."*
- "There's no point to this stupid life."*
- "Everyone would be better off without me."*
- "Life is not worth living."
- "Nothing matters anymore."*
- "I don't care about anything anymore."*
- "I want to die."*
- --And any mention of suicide--
Writing notes or poems about suicide or death.*

Acting compulsively.*

Losing interest in most activities.*

Giving away prized possessions.

Writing a will.

No sense of humor.

Facing a perceived "humiliating" situation.

Facing a perceived "failure."

Feeling excessive guilt or shame.

Acting irrationally.*

Being preoccupied with death or dying.*

Behaving recklessly.

Irritability*

Frequently complaining about headaches, stomachaches, etc.*

Neglecting personal appearance.*

A dramatic change in personal appearance.

A dramatic change in personality.

Performing poorly at work or in school.

Abusing alcohol or drugs.

Inability to concentrate.*

I'm not kidding about this...So yea....Well ill post tomorrow morning..Till then...

2007-06-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

Life Keeps On Getting ~~Better And Better~~WORSE

Well its my birthday today and well no diffrence it sucks like shit.Yesterday around 11.45Pm i slip and hit my toe on the stairs some now its swollen isnt that great?!Well woke up this morning with 2 horrible dreams...When will this dreams go away? Seriously its scaring the crap outta me!

Breakfast-pancakes.Didnt eat lose my appetite...My eating habits has change dramatically
Lunch-My maid's busy so i had to cook my own lunch just Mee Goreng with sausages..

Watch NBA finals and YEAH Spurs won again!! Also watched House..Love that show..Then continued watching "How I Met Your Mother".Yeah so far its been a boring day,well use to that..Life havent gotten any better,Love life is crap everything is shit.

Well I'll try to update before the celebration begins..sighs..Oh yea for those whose wondering whats my birthday wish its probably death or something..

2007-06-14T18:31:00.000+08:00

Some interesting Facts i suppose....

Facetious and abstemious are the only words that contain all the vowels in the correct order.

"Adcomsubordcomphibspac" is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command.

"Almost" is the longest commonly used word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

"Flushable" toilets were in use in ancient Rome.

"Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson was the first video to air on MTV by a black artist.

"Canada" is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

"Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.

"Fickleheaded" and "fiddledeedee" are the longest words consisting only of letters in the first half of the alphabet.

"Asthma" and "isthmi" are the only six-letter words that begin and end with a vowel and have no other vowels between.

"Fortnight" is a contraction of "fourteen nights." In the US "two weeks" is more commonly used.

"Forty" is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order. "One" is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.

"Four" is the only number whose number of letters in the name equals the number.

"Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio.

"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969.

"Kemo Sabe", meaning an all knowing one, is actually a mispronunciation by Native American of the Spanish phrase, Quien lo Sabe, meaning one who knows."

The lunula is the half-moon shaped pale area at the bottom of finger nails.

"Ma is as selfless as I am" can be read the same way backwards. If you take away all the spaces you can see that all the letters can be spelled out both ways.

"Mad About You" star Paul Reiser plays the piano on the show's theme song.

"One thousand" contains the letter A, but none of the words from one to nine hundred ninety-nine has an A.

"Ough" can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.

"Rhythms" is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o, or u.

"Second string," meaning "replacement or backup," comes from the middle ages. An archer always carried a second string in case the one on his bow broke.

"Speak of the Devil" is short for "Speak of the Devil and he shall come". It was believed that if you spoke about the Devil it would attract his attention. That's why when you're talking about someone and they show up people say "Speak of the Devil."

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.

"Tautonyms" are scientific names for which the genus and species are the same.

"Taxi" is spelled exactly the same in English, French, German, Swedish, Portuguese, and Dutch.

"Teh" means "cool" in Thai. (Pronounced "tay").

"The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.

"THEREIN" is a seven-letter word that contains thirteen words spelled using consecutive letters: the, he, her, er, here, I, there, ere, rein, re, in, therein, and herein.

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und." $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

1 and 2 are the only numbers where they are values of the numbers of the factors they have.

1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.

1 in every 3 people in the country of Israel use a cell phone.

1 kg (2.2 pounds) of lemons contain more sugar than 1 kg of strawberries.

1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire are strung across the Unites States.

1.7 litres of saliva is produced each day. In Discovery Channel, its a quart.

10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.

10% of human dry weight comes from bacteria

11% of the world is left-handed.

111, 111, 111 X 111, 111, 111 = 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321

1200 equals 1 pound (72 rupees).

123,000,000 cars are being driven on highways in the United States.

166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the United States.

1959's A Raisin in the Sun was the first play by a black woman to be produced on Broadway.

2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.

203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next hour.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

25% of a human's bones are in its feet.

259200 people die every day.

27% of Americans believe we never landed on the moon.

27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell."

3% of all mammals are monogamous

315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.

315 words in the 1996 Webster's dictionary were mispelled.

4 tablespoons of ketchup has about the same amount of nutrition as a ripe tomato.

40% of all people who come to a party snoop in your medicine cabinet.

40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot

48% of astronauts experience motion sickness.

52% of Americans drink coffee.

55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball games each year

67 million pounds of pesticides and about 3 million tons of fertilizer are used annually on lawns in the US.

78 rpm albums, used prior to 1948, were only capable of recording for four minutes. It wasn’t until later that year that Columbia Records introduced 33 rpm albums capable of playing 23 minutes per side.

80% of animals on earth are insects.

80% of arrested criminals are male.

In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

One in ten people live on an island.

84% of a raw apple is water.

It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

85% of men who die of heartattacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.

85,000,000 tons of paper are used in the United States each year.

28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

90% of bird species are monogamous; only 3% of animals are.

90% of New York City cab drivers are recently arrived immigrants.

98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.

98% of the weight of water is made up from oxygen.

99% of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as jack-o-lanterns.

A "2 by 4" is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.

A "Blue Moon" is the second full moon in a calendar month (it is rarely blue).

A "hairbreadth away" is 1/48 of an inch.

A "jiffy" is actually a proper time unit for 1/100th of a second

A "quidnunc" is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

A 1,200-pound horse eats about seven times it's own weight each year.

A 1.5 oz. milk chocolate bar has only 220 calories. A 1.75 oz. serving of potato chips has 230 calories.

A 10-gallon hat actually only holds about 3/4 gallon.

A 14-year old French girl had extraordinary electrical power. With a gentle touch she could knock over heavy pieces of furniture and people in physical contact with her received an electrical shock.

A 17 year old girl from Miami, Florida started to sneeze on 4th January'66 ant continued till 8th June'66.

A 6 pound sea-hare can lay 40,000eggs in a single minute.

A 7-year study, which concluded in the summer of 2000, found that 33 U.S. deaths were caused by rottweilers, pit bulls were responsible for 27 deaths.

A acre of coffee trees can produce up to 10,000 pounds of coffee cherries. That amounts to approximately 2000 pounds of beans after hulling or milling.

A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.

A Baboon called "Jackie" became a private in the South African army in World War I.

A bat is the only mammal that flies.

A bathometer is an instrument for indicating the depth of the sea beneath a moving vessel.

A bean has more DNA per cell than a human cell

A bee could travel 4 million miles (6.5 million km) at 7 mph (11 km/h) on the energy it would obtain from 1 gallon (3.785 liters) of nectar, or it could just sit down on and enjoy that honey properly.

A beaver's teeth never stop growing.

A bibliophile is a collector of rare books. A bibliopole is a seller of rare books.

A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.

A Blue Earth, Minnesota, law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.

A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute.

A body decomposes four times as fast in water than on land.

A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

A bowling pin only needs to tilt 7.5 degrees to fall.

A broken clock is right at least twice a day.

A butterfly can look at you through 12,000 eyes.

A Californian doctor has set the record of eating 17 bananas in two minutes.

A Canadian tattoo artist had 4,831 tattoos on his body.

A capon is a castrated rooster.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A cat has 4 rows of whiskers.

A cat uses it's whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through.

A chameleon can move its eyes in two directions at the same time.

A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.

A Cheetah at full speed takes strides of 8 meters.

A cheetah is the fastest animal, clocked in at: 70mph.

A chef's hat is tall and balloons at the top so as to counteract the intense heat in the kitchen. The unique shape allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool.

A Chicago law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

A chicken who just lost its head can run the length of a football field before dropping dead.

A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can't.

A citizen of Calcutta, India , grew the fingernails on his left hand to a length of 76 inches.

A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are known as fingers.

A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

A cockroaches favorite food is the glue on the back of stamps.

A company, Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song "Happy Birthday".

A Cornish game hen is really a young chicken, usually 5 to 6 weeks of age, that weighs no more than 2 pounds.

A cough releases an explosive charge of air that moves at speeds up to 60 mph.

A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.

A cucumber is 96% water.

A Dalmatian is the only dog that can get gout.

A day on the planet Mercury is twice as long as its year.

A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

A dentist invented the Electric Chair.

A device invented sometime around the time of the birth of Jesus as a primitive steam engine by the Greek engineer Hero is used today as a rotating sprinkler.

A diamond will not dissolve in acid. The only thing that can destroy it is intense heat.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.

A dog can hear high frequency sounds, which a human ear cannot.

A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule will not.

A dragonfly can fly 25 mph.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A dragonfly is also known as "devil's darning needle", "horse stinger" and "devil's steelyard".

A Fag is to work hard or to tire by strenuous activity and cigarettes are sometimes called Fags

A fagot is a bundle of sticks or a bundle of pieces of wrought iron to be shaped by rolling or hammering at high temperature.

A father Emperor penguin withstands the Antarctic cold for 60 days or more to protect his eggs, which he keeps on his feet, covered with a feathered flap. During this entire time he doesn't eat a thing. Most father penguins lose about 25 pounds while they wait for their babies to hatch. Afterward, they feed the chicks a special liquid from their throats. When the mother penguins return to care for the young, the fathers go to sea to eat and rest.

A father sea catfish keeps the eggs of his young in his mouth until they are ready to hatch. He will not eat until his young are born, which may take several weeks.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.

A female swine or sow will always have an even number of teats or nipples.

A fetus acquires fingerprints at the age of three months.

A fingernail or toenail takes about 6 months to grow from base to tip.

A fish's memory span is 3 seconds.

A five and a half year old weighing 250 pounds was exhibited at a meeting of the Physical Society of Vienna on December 4, 1894. She ate a normal diet and was otherwise in good health. The problem: she wasn't able to sweat.

A flea can jump 350 times is own body length. (say..you jumping the length of a soccer field)thanx seraph

A flock of sheep grazed during Woodrow Wilson's term. Their wool was sold to raise money for the Red Cross during World War I.

A fly always jumps backwards for a quick getaway when you try to hit it.

A fly hums in the middle octave, key F.

A foal is a baby horse.

A full moon is nine times brighter than a half moon.

A full-grown bear can run as fast as a horse.

A full-grown pumpkin has about 15 miles of roots.

A ghost writer pens an anonymous book.

A giant squid has eyes that can grow up to 20 inches in diameter. (Now think of how big your computer screen is..)

A giraffe and rat can go longer without water than a camel can.

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue. i know some people who can do some amazing stuff too.

A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

A googol is a 1 followed by 100 zeros. Mathematician Edward Kasner supposedly asked his nephew Milton Sirotta to suggest a name for the number, and he came up with this word.

A grasshopper needs a minimum temperature of 62 degrees Fahrenheit in order to be able to hop.

A group od geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group in the air is a skein.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A hamlet is a village without a church and a town is not a city until it has a cathedral.

A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.

A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.

A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.

A hedgehog's heart beats 190 times a minute on average and drops to only 20 beats per minute during hibernation.

A hedgehog's skin is so tough that when they get run over, its entrails come out of its mouth and its ass.

A herd of forty-five thirsty, rambunctious elephants stampeded into a brewery in Midnapore, where they smashed vats and slurped up beer in a bender that went on for two days.

A hinny is the offspring of a female donkey.

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.

A hippopotamus can run faster than a man can.

A Holstein's spots are like a fingerprint or snowflake. No two cows have exactly the same pattern of spots.

A honey bee must tap two million flowers to make one pound of honey

A honey bee travels an estimated 43,000 miles to gather one pound of honey. A pound of honey consists of 29,184 drops.

A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.

A horse can sleep standing up.

A Horse has 18 more bones than a Human.

A human being loses an average of 40 to 100 strands of hair a day.

A human has a bone just after the spine ends, which helps proves that humans once had tails (possibly).

A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is been decapitated.

A human's scent membrane in the nose is about the size of a postage stamp. A dog's is about the size of a handkerchief. It's olfactory lobe is also 4 times that of a humanThanx liz chell

A humming bird flaps its wings up to 90 times in one second or over 5000 times a minute.

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny

2007-06-14T18:03:00.000+08:00

On The Verge

Hey sorry about not posting during noon time had a major headahce..which i still do and i got some problems up my sleeves.Couldnt find anyone to talk to so i cried a bit and eventually fell asleep.Cant believe im ending my year as a thirteen suffering,i mean not even me deserve to suffer around a birthday.But i guess im use to it,having no one around,no one to talk to i still have my two puppies.Well when you have no one to hug you,no one to say "are you ok?","i love you and care about you alot" i guess your pets is all that you got even if you dont surely you've got a plshie or some sort rite?

Well later on tonight here are some things im gonna do
6.30-7.00-watch friends and eat
7.00-8.00 -watch sportcenter unless SOMEONE chats with me
8.00-onwards-watch House on my computer
Onwards-early morning-Watch Raw

Yea its a boring schedule and its really getting lonely.I cant go to sleep nicely,Im feelings depress and sad most of the times,I barely can concentrate in anything I do and the list goes on..I seriously need a vacation outta Brunei.Well here are some songs I've found which are nice.

Songs:
Red Jumpsuit Apparatis-Watering Eyes
One less reason-Sadly smiling through
One less reason-All that i know
One less reason-If you want me
30 seconds to mars-From yesterday
Take That-I'd Wait for life
Justin Timberlake-What goes around
Daughtry-Home
Daughtry-Over you
Elliott Yamin-Wait for you
Feeder-Feeling the moment

Well dont expect those songs to be the latest as I have not listen to any music channels for months!

Well for those Manchester United Fans Or English Premier League Viewer the Fixtures for 07/08 are realease already.

Well as usual ill try to find something interesting to post up here till then this is The Unlove

2007-06-14T08:08:00.001+08:00

-A Day Untill My Birthday-

Well its 8.10am and i only slept for 4++hours..Slept 1t 2.15 woke up at 4.45..then went back to sleep than woke up at 6.45 then FINALLY woke up at 7.30..Couldnt sleep keep turning and thinking...I just knew the date june "15" would come back to haunt me.For those who dont know whats soo scary abt june 15 well yea its my birthday but its also the day when someone broke up with me..

Dates girls broke up with me(no name will be written)
First girl i dont know the date
15june2004(my birthday)
1stJanuary2006(New years)
21nov2006(my monthsary)

Still 3/4 relationship those fucking retard girls broke up on event..Well thats karma.Since 21nov2006 I do not have a gf or no one love me(what a surprise..-.-)...Yeah..Im ugly,stupid,short and the list goes on...Well im into doing odds and statistics i guess thats the only thing that keeps me happy..I got the inspiration after watching a show called "Million To One" For those who have astro try to watch it channel 53 every monday 11am and a repeat on the same night which im not sure of..

Well Ill update around noon time Untill then this is the The Unlove

258 Things To Do When Your Bored

2007-06-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

Well since people are becoming more bored each day due to the holidays well here are some stuffs to do when your bored...NOT responsible for any injury or consequences that arises By the way I did some of these stuffs and trust its lots of fun haha..

Wax the ceiling.
Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car.
Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
Repeat above until failure.
Rearrange political campaign signs.
Sharpen your teeth.
Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
Braid your dogs hair.
Clean and polish your belly button.
Water your dog...see if he grows.
Wash a tree.
Genuflect to Lawrence Welk.
Knight yourself and some close friends.
Found the Jim Jones' School of Modern Bartending.
Flirt with an evergreen.
Scare Steven King.
Give your cat a mohawk.
Purr.
Mow your carpet.
Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
Whine
Play Pat Boone records backwards.
Re-elect Richard Nixon.
Dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group...surprise your grandmother.
Listen to a painting.
Play with matches.
Buff your cat.
Raise professional racing ferrets.
Paint your home...day-glo orange.
Dial-a-Prayer and argue.
Read Homer in the original Greek.
Learn Greek.
Change your mind.
Change it back.
Watch the sun...see if it moves.
Mail Jerry Falwell a Hustler magazine.
Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster.
Paint your windows.
Flash your goldfish.
Paint.
Smile.
Paint a smile.
Shoot at a fire hydrant.
Apologize to it.
See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
Rotate your garden...daily.
Plant a shoe.
Write letters to the political officials that are representing you, and tell them what a good job they are doing (on 4/1).
Sweat.
Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.
Take apart all your major kitchen appliances.
Mix and match the parts.
Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
Take your sofa for a walk.
Write a letter to Plato.
Mail it.
Start.
Stop.
Dial 911...breath heavily.
Go to a funeral...tell jokes.
Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
Carry a tune.
Drop it to see if it breaks.
Starch your shoes.
Contemplate a cockroach.
Get a dog to chase your car.
Let him catch it.
Form a political party.
Throw a political party.
Climb a sidewalk.
Ride a loaf of bread.
Annoy yourself.
Get angry with yourself.
Stop speaking to yourself.
Kiss and make-up.
Stand on your head.
Stand on someone else's head.
Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire.
Read a Harlequine Romance Novel...but only if you're REALLY bored.
Build a pyramid.
Paint your teeth.
Wear a salad.
Speak with a forked tongue.
MAKE a drive in window at your local bank.
Walk on water...but DON'T get caught.
Shave a shrub.
Have a proton fight.
Watch a car rust.
Quiver.
Confess to a crime that you didn't commit.
Learn to type...with your toes.
Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
Mail it to a friend.
Be in the wrong place at the right time.
Be someone special.
Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.
Request covert assistance from the CIA.
Factor your social security number.
Take the fifth.
Take the sixth.
Read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages.
Join the Foreign Legion.
Learn to write Sanskrit.
Learn to read Sanskrit.
Exist...existentially of course.
Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska.
Hot wax the bottoms of your brother's dress shoes.
Print counterfeit Confederate money.
Kick a cabbage.
Take a picture.
Put it back.
Go back to square one.
Sand a mushroom.
Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.
Play solitaire...for cash.
Abuse your patio furniture.
Run for Pope.
If you don't win, run for God.
If you still don't win, run for Mayor of Toledo.
Write a book about a previous life.
Count to a million...fast.
Have your cat bronzed.
Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins.
Revert.
Sleep on a bed of nails.
Don't toss and turn.
Think shallow thoughts.
Run around in squares.
Boil ice cream.
Sterilize your stereo, with Jack Daniels.
Carve your girl/boyfriends initials...in a marshmallow.
Converse...with a flatworm.
Speak in acronyms.
Drive the speed limit...in your garage.
Make a schematic drawing...of a rock.
Be a rabid Boxcar Willi fan.
Sing the National Anthem...during your calculus final.
Pay off the national debt...with a bad check.
Calmly have a nervous breakdown.
Give your goldfish a perm.
Fly a brick.
Play tag...on the nearest interstate.
Exorcize a ghost.
Exercise a ghost.
Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people.
Paint stripes on a lake.
Ski Kansas.
Wear a bowler...hat, stupid.
Test thin ice...with a pogo stick.
Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.
Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.
Do a good job.
Crawl.
Be a side affect.
Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley.
Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck.
Duck.
Redecorate your garage.
Develop a complex.
Join the Army...be someone simple.
Try harder.
Hit the deck.
Cut the deck.
Make a deal with the Devil...keep your fingers crossed.
Put legwarmers on all your furniture.
Be number six.
Sit.
Stay.
Roll over.
Play dead.
Scheme.
Sprinkle your family room.
Cause a power failure.
Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
Give a lecture tour on the historical significance of cream cheese.
Wriggle.
Be cherubic.
Debate politics with a fern.
If you lose stop watering it.
Donate your brother's body to science.
Join Hell's Angels by mail.
Wonder.
Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave.
Be a square root.
Park your car...with a friend.
Park your car...with a group of friends.
Ask stupid questions.
Spew.
Surf Ohio.
Go bowling...for small game.
Have your first statement of bankruptcy framed.
Hang it on the wall in your office.
Staple.
Solve the population problem. i.e. x + 2y - 16x = population; solve for x.
Contribute to the population problem.
Interview a cloud.
Play tiddly-winks...go for blood.
Go to a drive-in movie in a tank.
Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway.
Crumble.
Crumple.
Translate Shakespeare into English.
Skydive...to church.
Send the president an alarm clock...wind it up first.
Do aerobics...in your head.
Play card with your swimming pool.
Found a cockroach stable and stud farm.
Send your goldfish to obedience school.
Pinstripe your driveway.
Play "Kick the fire-hydrant."
Harness chipmunk power
Free the oppressed toaster-ovens of America.
Free the obsessed toaster-ovens of America.
Mug a stop sign.
Change your name...daily.
Go for a walk...in the attic.
Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.
Find a witch.
Burn her.
Regress.
Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat.
Go bow hunting...for Toyotas.
Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids.
Boldly go where no man has gone before.
Jump back.
Play to lose.
Scalp a VW.
Be a threat to the American way of life.
Be a threat to the Northwest Tibetan way of life.
Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Toronto.
Have your car painted plaid.
Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization.)
Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation.
Race turnips.
Give your grandmother a raise...and another week paid vacation.
Sharpen your sleeping skills.
Put out a fire.
If you can't find one make one.
Ionize your new chemistry professor (remember you took the heat capacity of the first one)
Make a lifesized replica of the Statue of Liberty...out of grape jello.
Tree a goldfish.
Get a college education.
Bury your fathers Nissan.
Tell your him the dog did it.
Catch a falling star.
Throw it back.
Place your cat in hyper-space.
Again tell your dad the dog did it.
Corner the market on Agnew in '76 buttons.
Find out where all these cylinders graduated from.
Install handicapped access to the {your favorite pathetic baseball team's} dugout.
Kickstart your TV.
Kickstop your TV.
Perfect the internal combustion telephone.
Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon.
Complain to God that Jupiter has more moons than we do.
Make a list of things to do when bored.
Renumber the bored list...

Time Past Yet Nothing Changes

2007-06-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

Hey hey im back haha..Anyway Well here's the update of my life and so on..

Life-Well exams over..Exam not that bad surprisingly maths was SOO EASY well the others are okay except History and Geography quite worried about that yet i havent been thinking or worrying about it haha..Other than that lets see...My birthday is coming up?And i might be getting a new phone well i guess thats it

Love life-Still single well thats obvious.Well yea..nothing much can be said..Her..i have no idea what to say..Love her still..cant tell a lie so yea i do..

Anyway i made this list about all the bad stuff ive ~~done~~....remembered..Cause I did alot of bad stuffs and I wonder why my love sucks..then when she left it strikes me that I had to change and one by one im going to repay all the bad things ive done..Im just trying to be a better person my name is ~~earl~~ Alister..

Yea i got the idea from the tv show "My Name Is Earl"..WHICH RULES!!

Anyway I'll be posting soon alrite till then take care!

Fuck Up

2007-05-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

Long time no post eh...

Well seriously need to write down my feelings...Anyway...Exams coming up...Hmmm only need to study maths,commerce,history and geography no big deal...I GUESS...

Life=SHIT
Love life=Fucked up

Well me and my pal seriously hate our fucking life....I seriously cant stand my school the memories it holds,the people i adore,the people i love...Just hurtfull memories..."Her" bet you'll still wondering...Yea i still love her...Yes im still single..Why?-Im ugly,stupid,a pig and not fun to be with..

Im only fun with my peepz namely MY CLASS....Especially my big tall pall Wafi..Anyway will update tmrw.....with more details

2007-03-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

Quick Update

Life: Going alright..The only problem is..Am I living life to the fullest? Did I do my best? Past is past,Live the future..Learn from mistakes is what I'm doing not only mind but others to.

Love: Yes I still deeply love her..But I'm on the edge of deciding wheather to give up or not..Cause due to some unforseen reason I dont know if its possible that me and her will be "one" But yes I still love you soo much even if I dont send you poem or show it. I love you very much..Everyday I wish I was with you but the most I wish your happy everytime.I wish all your pain just come to me cause I dont want you to suffer..I'll suffer for you..

Anyway..thats just a quick update sorry no daily post been busy lately..anyway..as you read alot of things has been going on..But there's one thing that is the same..I'm still madly inlove with her..Moving on..I've been listenin to some songs and i strongly recommend you all to download

Clay Aiken-A Thousand Nights
Clay Aiken-Measure Of A Man(Lyrics in my previous post But it was edited so look at the real lyrics)
Clay Aiken-The Way

Yea i know all this songs are by Clay Aiken but its very sweet and describes my feelings but there's one song that really describes my love.If your reading this(her,the girl i love)..Your the only one I want to be with..I love you..

Clay Aiken-Lonely No More

Another dream, another day
I've seen too many fade away
So if you wonder how to make it right
Give me everything, everything tonight

Cause I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to feel empty no more
Only you could unbreak this heartache I've carried around
Don't wanna be lonely no more, no more

Take me in, take me home
I can't stand to be alone
Help me paint the picture of my life
Don't you disappear and leave me here tonight

Cause I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to feel empty no more
Only you could unbreak this heartache I've carried around
Don't wanna be lonely no more, no more [end background vocals]

Can't make no sense of life,Make no sense of life
No matter how I try
Cause something's missing in my heart, tonight.

I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to feel,I don't wanna be lonely,empty no more
Only you could unbreak this heartache I've carried around
Don't wanna be lonely no more....no more

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't want to be empty no more
And only you could unbreak this heartache I've carried around
Don't wanna be lonely no more...no more....no more

-Fully Evolve-

2007-03-08T08:50:00.000+08:00

I still deeply love you but..What are the odds of me being with you..I'll tell you none..I love you..And i would do anything to be with you..

Measure Of A Man

If one day you discover me
Broken down I've lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make me who I'm not
The girl at my side is all that I've has got
Why did you ask me move heaven and earth
To prove my love has worth?

I would walk on water
I would run through fire
I would stand before you
When it's down to the wire
I Would give my life up
To be all I can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

If by chance all I've got to give you
Was three words wrapped around your finger
Would that be deep enough at the end of every day?
And how will you ever know
If a man is what he says?

Why did you ask me to move heaven and earth
To prove my love has worth
I would walk on water
I would run through fire
I would stand before you
When it's down to the wire
I Would give my life up
To be all I can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

I'll never gives up
Lets go of my dream
My world goes around for my one true belief
Is that how you know
Is that what it means?

I would walk on water
I would run through fire
I would stand before you
I would will be your anchor when the dark unfolds
I would always love you the best that I know

I would give my life up
To be all that I can
Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?

I would walk on water
I would run through fire
I would stand before you
When it's down to the wire
I Would give my life up
To be all I can

Is that, is that, is that, how you measure oh...

Is that, is that, is that, how you measure a man?